I was eating dinner with a friend the other night and the conversation kept gravitating towards nudity (as many of my dinner conversations often do). It being late November, my feeble male brain eventually made the connection between nudity and the end of the term here at Tufts University. "So, you running?" was my question to the young lady sitting across from me.
In fact it is a question that has been heard all over this campus for the last month. Nervous freshmen wanting to make sure they have allies in their first foray into public nudity, nervous sophomores trying to muster up the courage they couldn't find last year, nervous perverts wondering if they'll get to see boobies and yes, even nervous upperclassmen who wonder if they can complete a full lap in spite of the cigarette habit and drinking problem they picked up while studying in London last semester.
Of course my friend's answer was the answer nobody wants to hear. "I don't think so," she said. Before I could ask her if it was because of some unsightly birthmark or wooden leg, she told me why. "Who knows, I might want to run for office someday." This brought to my attention one of society's little idiosyncrasies. Which idiosyncrasy you ask? The nudity double standard, that's which.
Before you stop reading and say to yourself things like, "this guy is full of effluent" and "surely this ragamuffin should never be allowed to publish his ramblings" and, yes, even the most hurtful "he just wants to see naked girls," think about what I am saying. You may find my positions as a heterosexual male and as a gender egalitarian incongruous, and, believe me, Saj the guy and Saj the social liberator have had many a heated conversation, however in this case both of mes are working towards the same goal, and 'tis a noble one at that. Nakedness.
There is a decided taboo against public female nudity that does not exist for public male nudity. But why? Well, I (Saj the social liberator) will tell you why. It's because of Saj the guy. Now before you grab your pitchforks and light your torches intending to chase me (well, half of me), through the streets of Medford, I am not just talking about myself. I speak of the men of the world. Over tens, maybe even hundreds or thousands of years, it is men that have sexualized the nude female form. As our society stands, mostly anything sexual is considered deviant and is left for cable television, pay-cable television, or even channel 97 (and you all remember channel 97. The porn channel, stupid.) So it became naughty for women to prance around naked. But Tufts University, it's high time that we break this taboo, and I am enlisting your help.
Like my poor friend up said, she would like to run for office someday. So why should that fact deter her from getting all naked and running around the residential quad? Because of perverts. Perverts with cameras, perverts without cameras, perverts who will judge her and perverts who will use her nakedness against her. Is this fair? Is it fair that perverts have that much power over the decisions women make? Is it fair that a man could run around naked, snort cocaine, run a business into the ground or "join" the Texas Air National Guard and still be elected president of the United States? Not that it's been proven that George Bush ever ran around naked in public, but given that lying to a nation, referring to Africa as a country and almost letting a pretzel do what John Hinckley Jr. could not do has yet to soil him politically, what's another feather in his cap?
No, it's not fair, is the answer. And it's about time you women of Tufts University do something about it. Empower yourselves, ladies. Take a stand and say, "You know what, we're not taking this anymore. Yes, this is me. And yes, I'm naked." Strip out of your reservations, and leave your inhibitions on the floor of West Hall. Stride proudly ladies. Giggle not, and make no attempts to cover yourselves. Be free in your nudity. Only by accepting the liberation of your nude bodies in the freezing cold of a New England December, can you realize your liberation from the cookie cutter mold the masculine world wishes to keep you in.
So women of Tufts, I implore you not for my sake and not for the perverts' sake, but rather for your sake. Get naked. Because you know what they say, if you refuse to get naked then the terrorists have already won. And make sure you wear a really cute piece of underwear. Are you naked yet?
