I sat down at my computer the other day to order flowers for my mom. It is Valentine's Day, and she deserves a little extra attention. I figured I would be a good daughter and send her a small bouquet. I am just a poor college student, but I figured I could find something within my price range.
Right. Roses start at $40, without the delivery charge! I searched other sites online with nationwide delivery, and they were all even more expensive. The cheapest place I could find was Tufts Student Resources, but my mom does not live on campus. What is this world coming to?
Does anyone besides me think that flowers are a little overrated? Call me unromantic, but $80 plus an $11 surcharge is a little ridiculous for a dozen red flowers that will wilt and die within a week. And by that time, they are slimy and disgusting, falling apart, and the water smells rank enough to remind you of gym class from middle school.
And maybe it is just my own klutziness, but I just cannot arrange the darn things to stand up right in the plastic cup that serves as my vase, since the flowers are expensive enough that they do not come with one. I always manage to spill the water from the vase all over myself or the floor at some point. It was so romantic and thoughtful of you to send me flowers - now I look like I peed on myself.
And for those of you who have seen "The Bachelor" with Chris O'Donnell (not one of the great movies of our time) or attended any classes that discuss feminism, you know that flowers are basically the vaginas of plants. That is awesome. Hey Mom, hope you enjoyed the flower vaginas I sent you. I know they will accent your dining room table beautifully.
Don't get me wrong, I've seen the Vagina Monologues. Vaginas are great. They are beautiful (unless you ask Freud). It's just...a little weird to send them to your mother.
The whole vagina thing makes a little more sense for one to send flowers to a love interest. At least roses have been sent in the name of love so many times that you know exactly what's on his mind when he sends them. It is a way of saying "Hey baby, I love you, and I'm willing to spend a ridiculous amount of money just so you know that." I guess it is easier than saying it out loud, but is that dent in his checkbook really necessary? Hallmark does it just as well for $1.89.
I guess it's the symbolism of the gesture that keeps people paying astronomical prices for the thorny things. I will not lie, they are pretty, and they smell nice enough, but I would rather somebody just send me the $90 and tell me to spend it on myself. I mean, that is the equivalent of a decent meal for two out in the city, much more romantic than mere foliage. But that is my stomach talking.
I want to make it clear that I'm not out to kill Valentines Day. I just think people pay too much for flowers, considering how impermanent, expensive, and symbolic of genitalia they are. I would not even get mad if my boyfriend sent me flowers this year (although after reading this I think he will know better). I would just smile at him, say thank you, and ask him what time we're going to Hooters tonight.
Meg Simpson is a junior majoring in psychology.
