Oil and water, fire and ice, tuna fish and ice cream - some things just don't mix.
Sadly, someone forgot to inform the Recording Academy of this small yet important detail when they began production on Sunday's broadcast of the 47th Grammy Awards show. What might have been optimistically referred to in theory as an "eclectic" theme for the evening's performances, quickly degenerated into a messy hodgepodge of musical misery.
Take, for instance, the opening number that kicked off with the Black-Eyed Peas' "Let's Get it Started" and then jumped from Los Lonely Boys' "Heaven" to Maroon 5's "This Love." The songs were not performed independently of one another, nor did anyone take the time to blend their transitions into a medley-like composition. Instead, each separate act simply broke in at will, and the cacophony of competing melodies mercifully ended with each of the performers singing their respective songs all together in one unintelligible knot of noise.
Usually, one failed ensemble performance is enough for a single Grammy show, but audiences had to sweat through two more that night. "Across the Universe," a plodding, seemingly unrehearsed tsunami tribute conglomeration of Norah Jones, Stephen Tyler, Bono, and Scott Weiland managed to turn a Beatles classic into an ear-piercing screech that had viewers scrambling for the mute button. Melissa Etheridge and Joss Stone's homage to Lifetime Achievement Award winner Janis Joplin and the Usher-James Brown collaboration were slightly less aurally offensive, but still plumbed new depths of discord.
Hostess Queen Latifah took center stage in a dazzling pink evening gown (clashing sharply with the sloppy pullover fleece Adam Sandler wore when he presented an award later in the show) to laud the Grammys for having always managed to bring the best musicians together in one place for one very special night. Unfortunately, she forgot to mention that these great musicians would all be onstage at the exact same time, trying to one-up each other on the decibel scale while flashing laser lights induced fits of seizures among audience members.
And then - just when things looked as if they couldn't possibly get any worse - enter JLo, a staple of embarrassing awards show moments. Ms. Lopez's duet with new hubby Marc Anthony topped even Jennifer's own list of painfully awkward live performances. Aside from the obvious - a set malfunction that blocked Lopez from view and a very poorly tailored gown - their chosen number, the anti-voyeurism Spanish ballad "Escapemonos," was an obvious jab at the media and the American public for prying into the couple's ultra-private life. This was, of course, the perfect song to perform in front of millions of adoring music fans, and the duo's strained and stiff interaction onstage only added to the air of tension created by the ballad's accusatory tone.
Even the Grammy Awardees themselves presented a stark dichotomy of the conflicting facets of music world. Artists such as Nora Jones, Usher, and Alicia Keys were recognized for their innovative yet professionally sound musical ventures. On the other hand, the Recording Academy lavished similar distinctions on flimsy excuses for Grammy material like Britney Spears' "Toxic" (Best Dance Recording) and John Mayer's "Daughters" (Song of the Year and Best Male Pop Vocal Performance).
In fact, only the honors bestowed on deceased recording megastar Ray Charles, long heralded as the king of blending musical genres, proved that multiplicity can be a good thing - when it's done right. "Genius Loves Company," the latest and last album released by the late R&B pioneer, featured an impressive list of duets between Charles and fellow music heavyweights Willie Nelson, Elton John, and Gladys Knight. This brilliant compilation earned Charles top honors for both Record and Album of the Year, along with six other posthumous awards. And the musical tribute to Ray Charles, flawlessly executed by Alicia Keys, Jamie Foxx, and Quincy Jones, was the only cooperative live performance of the evening to go off without a hitch.
However, Charles' big score begs the question of whether the Recording Academy was truly recognizing the R&B legend's talent or simply reacting to the current fad revival of Charles' work. Although Charles' musicianship alone should have been enough to merit these accolades, one cannot help but wonder if the Recording Academy would have been so generous if the release of Charles' "Genius Loves Company" album had not coincided with the singer's unfortunate passing and his high-profile exposure in the biopic blockbuster, "Ray."
So with the last discordant notes of Lopez and Anthony's duet still ringing in their ears and the specter of Britney Spears receiving a golden megaphone still haunting their every waking moment, awards show junkies have only one thing to ask themselves: how long 'til Oscar night?
