For the most die-hard action-adventure fans - the sort who have seen "National Treasure" six times and still managed to love it - Matthew McConaughey's newest effort, "Sahara," seemed destined to be "Treasure"'s sibling in the far-fetched but fun, faux-historical treasure hunt genre.
"Sahara" doesn't represent, though. It's horrendous. Dreadful. Unbearable. When you leave a movie after having checked your watch seven times, things are bad.
An adaptation of Clive Cussler's sprawling African adventure, the film attempts to take the audience on a wild ride across the famed desert. It stars Matthew McConaughey as Dirk Pitt, the archetype of clich?©d action star good-looks. The co-star, although not credited, has to be Dirk's pecs, which manage to steal the show when he loses his shirt, a frequent phenomenon.
The real story is that Dirk is on a quest to find a long-lost, steel-cased Civil War Confederate submarine. Although he works for NUMA (National Underwater Marine Agency), he is luckily given permission to go on a side trip to the land-locked African nation of Mali where the mysterious sub was rumored to have inexplicably landed. He is accompanied by his longtime friend and the film's obvious comedic sidekick, Al Giordino (Steve Zahn.)
Unfortunately for Dirk, he has to give some hitchhikers a ride as well. These just happen to be two doctors from the World Health Organization, Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz) and Yves Massarde (Lambert Wilson) who are in search of the source of a strange plague. When they all finally get to Africa, the warlord of Mali, General Kazim (Lenny James), is on a mission to stop them from discovering the truth about the plague and the mysterious ship.
The cast is on a race against time for some action-movie sort of reason related to both the boat and the plague. Dirk has to put aside his plans to find this "Ship of Death" in order to help his new love interest. Do they find the boat? Do they stop the evil warlord's greedy plans? And what about that plague? Can these strange conundrums all be answered by one omnipotent solution because this is a predictable movie? Umm, maybe.
One small side note here. Not once did any of the characters apply any type of sunscreen to protect their most important organ from the Saharan sun, yet they have perfect tans. It is movie magic at its finest.
"Sahara" tries to be a mixture of "National Treasure," "Indiana Jones," "The Mummy," and a dash of "The Scorpion King." In the end, it is just too much of "The Mummy." It has some big names, too much unnecessary violence, and cheesy romance. They both also contain actors/actresses that just sort of rub everyone the wrong way, specifically Penelope Cruz. Ms. Cruz is supposed to contribute to a feeling of action-adventure with raw passion and intense-looking stars while having a comedic fallback on hand. It is sad to say, but she fails miserably.
Do not see this movie. Stay away from it. Do not even rent it during the summer months when string cheese becomes not just a food, but a pastime. For every second that you watch this movie, your IQ will drop one point. Some of you cannot spare to lose any more, so take my advice. "Sahara" is just a mirage of a blockbuster.
