Traveling Lush | The Lush prepares for some Spring Fling smuggling

Several weeks ago, I announced to my friends that I might miss Spring Fling. My father will be in New York this weekend and that usually means good wine, good food and a trip down Broadway, perhaps followed by some jazz.

That idea lasted for about two days.

I phoned up my dear pa and told him that I had already made a previous engagement with friends ... for a whole day of drinking, moshing, Busta Rhymes and general craziness. Thus, I told him, I would have to leave early Saturday morning. My dad simply told me to have fun and to be safe.

He also told me to beware of slipping in vodka puddles on the grass.

Alas, to my great disappointment, there will be no vodka puddles. Nor will there be rum puddles - only beer puddles. Going as far back as my alumni friends can remember, Spring Fling has always been a beer-only event. So, what are reluctant beer drinkers like me supposed to do?

Luckily for us, Spring Fling doesn't start until 11:30. Tufts' band The Juice doesn't open until noon and Busta, after a two-year wait, won't even bust out onto stage until 3:45.

That will give me all morning to drink whatever I want. My neighbors will have a keg, but a Sunday champagne brunch would be nice. Except this Sunday brunch won't really be a Sunday brunch, because it will take place on a Saturday. Furthermore, it won't even be a brunch, it will be a breakfast. Never mind that I can barely roll out of bed in time for my 10:30 a.m. econ class. I'm sure things would be different if the professor offered champagne during class.

Anyway, a Saturday champagne breakfast would be the plan, but instead, I'll more likely have to resort to whatever the drink car of the train offers on its 9 a.m. route.

As it appears that the champagne breakfast is out of the question, I might just have to pre-mix something for my trip back to Boston. ("Wait, I need my water bottle, Dad!")

For those who haven't bothered to read the Spring Fling rules, regardless of what you will be drinking in the morning, if it's alcoholic and not beer, or if it isn't in a can, don't bother bringing it in.

After I chuck out my bottle of "water," if someone could please point me to where I can purchase some canned water, it would be much appreciated.

Furthermore, backpacks, food and ice are forbidden. Clearly, somebody really took the time to think through the possible ways students could get hard liquor into the concert area. The can-only rule effectively rules out pretty much all wine coolers and non-beer drinks. Is the no-ice rule a pre-emptive move against those who would otherwise bring in frozen vodka cubes? (Don't fret about warm beer, however; a friend kindly pointed out to me that ice packs will work just fine.)

The food rule, however, baffles me. The availability of foodstuffs, especially bread, tends to abate drunkenness and subsequent rowdiness. Is the administration truly afraid of people smuggling mini-hot dogs into the event slathered under layers of ketchup? I know that they have free pizza but I for one would appreciate the freedom to bring in my own snacks as well.

Over my four years at Tufts, I've witnessed many tests of the monitoring abilities of those at the gates. Many succeed in smuggling hard liquor past security on their bodies: I've heard of bottles being hidden in hairdos or down bras and flasks being strapped under skirts. Others manage to get non-beer liquids into beer cans without opening the tab. How, you say? I won't ruin it for those ingenious few ... I would hardly want line security to catch on.

As far as the binge drinking culture in America goes, the 24 hours surrounding spring fling in college are the epitome of the phenomenon. Ultimately, be safe, and be smart. And watch out for those beer puddles.

And so comes the end to this semester's Lush column, and also to my Tufts career. I realize I never made good on my initial proposition to create absinthe. Well, as it turns out, poorly made absinthe is highly explosive, so we're all probably better off for it. (Can't you see it? Lead story in the Daily: "Columnist blows up house, self in experiment gone wrong.") My advice? Take advantage of your Tufts worldliness and trek to Europe for a sample of the real thing.

Cheers to the Daily and my fellow Jumbos for a fine four years. Drink up, for the future.