I am both conservative and Republican.
I am also a freshman and have only been on campus for less than a month as of the moment I write this, so why would I write a viewpoint openly expressing such unpopular political views? What possible motivation could an insecure, naive freshman have for taking this academically and socially suicidal plunge? Shouldn't I be doing homework?
Well, I want to inform you, the skeptical and probably liberal reader, of a fact that will blow your mind. Seriously now, stop skimming for one second and pay attention to this, because it's a good secret that we conservatives closely guard and one which you may not be privy to again.
We are not all pendejos.
College is meant to be a mixing bowl of different cultures, traditions and yes, political backgrounds. You wouldn't blame your fellow classmate for being Jewish, your neighbor for being a redhead, or your roommate for liking "Laguna Beach." We've all grown up with different experiences and personal values, so why would you blame a hick for being conservative? Why should I personally be more ashamed for disliking Ted Kennedy than you are for wanting to have his babies? If it is taboo to bash a particular race, religion,or sexual orientation, then why are you being such a player hater?
Follow your own completely absurd brand of political correctness and don't blame me for being conservative. Some of us were born in red states - we can't help it. Some of us have grandfathers who only half-jokingly beg us not to turn into a pansy-assed liberal at college - we can't really help it. Some of us genuinely think that both Hannity and Colmes are veritable sex symbols of our generation - now who could help thinking that?
My ?iberal, tweed-wearing, high school government teacher once asked my class to separate into groups - conservative students, liberal students, and the I-don't-know-enough-political-common-knowlege-to-tell-Dick-Cheney-from-Sasquatch students. He was a lion cutting the sick, Bush-loving antelopes from the herd. My fear of the scary, mainstream liberals caused me to waiver between the groups. Should I pretend that armageddon could only be averted with a female President Clinton in the White House? Or should I defy convention and sit with the Dungeons and Dragons warmongers that were nasally arguing whether the newer Mig-29's would have the phase array Zhuk-MS radars installed... which of course was where I belonged?
I was weak and chose the third group - I pretended that I thought euthanasia should be protected because they were poor and didn't have anything to eat but rice. Well, no more will I deny the Republican genes that my self-made father and veteran grandfather granted me. I cannot pretend that Bob Marley's song "One Love" has extraordinarily deep and powerful lyrics. No longer can I pretend that Michael Moore isn't the Antichrist. I am speaking out.
The real truth of the matter is that, despite being a card-carrying Republican, I'm just like you. Like most students, I could live off Cheez-Its, and I think that chocolate milk is the nectar of the gods. Like the rest of the country, I suspect that Kyle Boller is Brian Billick's illegitimate son. Both Trey Parker and Matt Stone should be sainted. I love Dave Matthews as much as the next white-bread, 18-year-old girl, and I have the same red and sepia OC poster on my wall that you do. I, too, have a secret crush on President Bacow (don't lie to yourselves).
So next time you see a Republican flyer on campus or hear about a party at the Coulter house, don't resort to sabotage or question our right to attend a liberal college like Tufts. I'm aware that if there was a "political preference" checkbox next to the "nationality" section of the Tufts application, I might not be here, but it's far too late to be getting rid of me now. I'm not going to lie to you, some conservatives do get their jollies off eating newborns and knocking over old ladies' wheelchairs (I'm looking at you, Pat Robertson), but my point is that just because I'm conservative doesn't mean that I'm the spawn of Satan.
Jennifer Newman is a freshman who has yet to declare a major.
