Sports are a necessity in my daily life. I don't care how desperate that sounds. Between fantasy sports and real sports, I probably spend an hour a day reading about sports on the Internet. I'm taking a college class on baseball (I highly suggest you consider the Ex College course Sabermetrics 101 next semester). I completely forgot I was on duty at the library last Friday because I was watching the Red Sox. And I currently write the sports column you are reading right now.
This weekend was fantastic in the sports world as the Braves and Astros set a new playoff record with the longest game ever played in baseball playoff history. The teams played the equivalent of two games before the Astros, who needed the Rocket to pinch-hit and pitch three innings of relief, finally won on a walk-off homer by Chris Burke. But if you live in the dorms, you didn't get to see it because it was on ESPN.
It has been unbearable to spend the last two semesters at a college that doesn't get ESPN. I've been jokingly talking to my friends about transferring. I don't think you realize how awful sports on television can be without ESPN.
They are "the worldwide leader in sports entertainment" because they have the best and most intelligent programming of any sports network on television. You can't beat "Pardon The Interruption," "Outside The Lines," "Around The Horn," "Quite Frankly" (with Screamin' A. Smith), "Baseball Tonight" (my personal favorite, not just because of former Phillies John Kruk and Larry Bowa), and (obviously) "Sportscenter."
But apparently Tufts University believes you can beat having ESPN. That's why they've stuck unfortunate dorm-dwellers with a load of awful substitutes. Cable at Tufts is provided by Falls Earth Station and the cheapskates have given us five lame sports stations that attempt to fill the void that only ESPN could handle: NESN, FSN, CSTV, ESPNU and the NFL Network.
NESN (New England Sports Network) is great ... if you care what Al Jefferson ate for lunch last weekend. It's also a fantastic station for the sports fan that needs to know why Kevin Millar can't hit a slider off lefties during daytime games in Toronto. The station covers New England sports and they do it well. Unfortunately, not everybody at this school is a grizzled Bostonian who has trouble pronouncing the phrase, "how hard is it for the Bellhorn to hit above .240?"
Then there's Fox Sports Net. Shows like "The List" and "Beyond the Glory" are semi-entertaining (who knew that Reggie White converted to Judaism?) but "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" is so bad that even Tom Arnold left. It's pretty awful when you're relying on no-name Chris Rose to "inject professionalism and journalism standards to Fox Sports Net's signature show," as their Web site claims.
No sports station really covers the hard-hitting issues of college sports quite like CSTV. I mean, where else can you find comprehensive coverage of fencing, equestrian, water polo and rifle shooting? What other station can bring you the late breaking news about Kansas State upsetting Texas in rowing? Just don't turn to this channel hoping to see a college sport that actually interests you.
Then there's ESPNU, otherwise known as CSTV for mid-major NCAA schools. You can tune in when you want to see how your favorite MEAC team is doing in lacrosse (I hear Norfolk St. has a great team this year). I actually turned on this station on Friday evening to find that they were broadcasting a high school football game between Hoover and Nease (Pennsylvania schools). They can't even put college sports on the whole time.
Finally, there's the NFL Network. I like the NFL Network. Every Sunday night they show "The Point After," which recaps all the games with highlights and press conference sound bites. It's ESPN's "NFL Primetime" without "HE ... COULD ... GO ... ALL ... THE ...WAY!!!" They have broadcasts about old Super Bowls. But I have to heed the advice of one of my friends: "Don't try to rationalize not having ESPN with the NFL Network."
Then there's the lineup of "sports" USA, TNT, TBS, Spike TV and other network stations try to provide. Don't get me wrong, Extreme Dodgeball has potential (I love seeing Jeremiah Trotter winging balls at normal people), but poker, tennis, PGA golf and especially NASCAR are incredibly boring. I can't watch poker unless I'm betting money, golf unless I'm trying to fall asleep, tennis unless it's Maria Sharapova, or NASCAR unless I've had a lobotomy. As far as TNT's "Slamball," I just don't think the world is ready for basketball with trampolines (otherwise known as Super Ninetendo's NBA Jam TE on television).
How difficult would it be for the school to provide us with ESPN? I've heard rumors that they can't because they would have to buy all the ESPN stations as a package, which would be very expensive. But really, how much more expensive can this school get? If you're living in a dormitory, you're probably already paying $40,000 a year. What's the difference if it's $40,500?
The alternatives are to make friends off campus or venture to the campus center to watch games in Hotung or upstairs next to the pool table. But do you really feel like leaving your room (especially in the winter) to disrupt your off-campus friends at their houses? How about competing with the 20 other people already at the campus center trying to watch "Legally Blonde?"
If Tufts has any compassion, they'll do something soon to bring ESPN to the dorms. This may be one of the top 30 schools in the nation, but I'd gladly take a state school if they'll give me back my sports.
Correction: A thank you goes out to loyal reader Dave Bach (as well as Evans Clinchy) who noticed that Miguel Tejada left the Athletics two years ago, not last season as I reported. This is great - I didn't know I had loyal readers. But I stand by my characterization of the Athletics as pesky (despite their Moneyball-over-smallball approach) until they decide to raise their payroll.
