Some things are so bad they're good. Eating cake frosting out of the can is absolutely disgusting but completely delicious; singing along to Hilary Duff if you're older than 13 makes you cringe, but is a good time for everyone.
Then there are those things that are so bad you're tempted to think they would be good but, as it turns out, they're really still just bad. For example, why do people buy circus peanuts? Is it for the rubbery texture or the faux creamy orange flavor?
Tonight we say goodbye to "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County," the circus peanut of reality television. The show, so stylized it couldn't possibly be real and so banal it couldn't possibly be scripted, ends its second season tonight.
The show's appeal lies somewhere in the middle of the two extremes of hyper-dramatic implausibility and mind-numbingly boring realism: situations so contrived that they couldn't be possible, yet not at all interesting once they're constructed.
"Laguna Beach" follows a group of high schoolers through their mostly G-rated romances, betrayals and other adventures. As you may remember from your pre-Tufts days, high school students are not the most reasonable of creatures, so the Laguna Beach kids (mostly the girls) tend to blow any minor disagreements completely out of proportion.
The inter-clique feuds are impossible to keep track of, partially because MTV does an impressive job butchering reality and partially because these girls are CRAZY! In one of the longest-lasting disputes of the season, Alex M. and Casey wouldn't speak to one another because Casey had spread a rumor that Alex had "a hygiene problem."
Another of the show's seeming weaknesses is that it is insistent on introducing every character in every episode, even though their names appear in the opening credits. MTV also persists in identifying characters by their relationships to others; Alex H. is always merely "Kristin's friend," even though she's been around since last season and is in every episode.
It's not entirely inappropriate to think of the show in terms of characters and plot twists, since it always feels like the show's events don't occur naturally but are manipulated by MTV (if not by the cast members themselves).
MTV does its best to have the kids advance the plot on their own, but the show often resorts to tactics of Bob Newhart-style one-sided phone conversations ("So are you saying you just want to be friends? I know; it sucks for me too") and awkward "spontaneous" talks between friends ("So, tell me about the breakup").
Meticulous editing allows the show to become a soap opera which is often at odds with the reality of these kids' lives. A recent episode had LC demonstrating impressive backbone, chewing Jason out after he cheated on her. It seemed like LC had learned from her days of naivete in her ambiguous relationship with Stephen, but an update on the cast members' real lives in US Weekly magazine tells us that LC and Jason have reconciled and are dating again. And Stephen and Jason, who one would expect to be rivals, are roommates!
To be fair to MTV's producers, the cast members don't give them much to work with in terms of interesting dialogue. For instance, when they returned to sunny Laguna after a snowboarding trip, Jessica, Kristin and Alex H. remarked, "The weather's completely different than the snow. It's, like, completely opposite."
Luckily, part of the show's appeal lies in the feeling of superiority one experiences when hearing such idiocies. In one of their shining moments, Alex H. and Jessica debated the actual wording of the "hate the player/hate the game." In another episode, Cedric, displaying his inherent sensitivity, asked Jason how Jessica handled their break-up, adding, "Like, I thought she was going to kill herself."
Tonight's finale (presented commercial-free) will probably not tie up any loose ends, since the show has never cared much about narrative continuity. Unfortunately for the producers, most of the show's stars have moved out of Laguna. Of the nine major characters on the show this season, seven are living in L.A., most with the intent of starting careers in show business; Kristin is even appearing in the film "88 Minutes," which co-stars Al Pacino.
MTV hasn't announced specifics about the third season's cast yet, but it's unlikely they'll follow last season's strategy of focusing on the class that will be next fall's seniors, since this season provided no notable underclassmen.
We don't know who we'll see when school starts again in the fall, but there's one thing we know for sure: this show's not dunzo yet.
