Remember learning about how California became a state in U.S. History class? Remember how the train full of explosives narrowly missed the governor as he approved the constitution alongside President Lincoln and...er...Zorro in 1850? Well, now you know how it really happened.
This is the backdrop of the latest installment of the "Zorro" saga. In the original, 1998's "The Mask of Zorro," Zorro (Anthony Hopkins) passes the mask along to Antonio Banderas, who inherits the duty to fight for the rights of the common people - the Mexican Robin Hood.
Fast-forward ten years, where "The Legend" picks up. Zorro now faces a different kind of problem: his new family is suffering from his dangerous hobby, and a French snob bent on world domination (Rufus Sewell) is fooling around with his wife (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Can Zorro stop this maniac before he disrupts California's attempts to join the Union? Yes, of course, but it's still suspenseful (sort of).
Despite this predictable, wildly historically inaccurate premise, "The Legend of Zorro" has some enjoyable qualities. If you don't already hate the French, the classically-trained Sewell will change your mind as he puts on the movie's only excellent display of acting. It's true: Nobody can slander French people like the English.
Ladies, do not be fooled. Your boyfriend does not want to see this movie in order to indulge his need for violence and adventure. This jumpy, cut-every-half-second style is mainly limited to the beginning and end anyway.
Rather, the most intentional visual stimulus used in "The Legend" is the craft of the wardrobe department. Apparently Antonio has the same gawking effect on the opposite sex, but guys definitely come out on top in the eye candy contest; Zorro's long black cape leaves much to the imagination.
Unfortunately, the movie's strong points don't extend very far beyond the visual. It might seem like something of a contradiction in light of its overt sex appeal, but believe it or not, this PG movie makes an effort to appeal to young audiences.
A central character in this installment, for example, is Zorro's 10-year-old son (Adrian Alonso), who gets caught up in the action and improbably saves the day. Likewise, the computer animated antics of Zorro's horse add a silly aspect to the already juvenile storyline.
Although these factors may not seem like they could ruin a movie, they simply add to an already implausible premise set by the previous Zorro. Issues such as how Zorro remains disguised to his enemies, friends, and immediate family by wearing a three inch piece of cloth around his eyes remain a mystery.
In a movie such as "Zorro," one might expect the script to ride in and save the day, but in actuality it detracts further from the appeal. It's one thing for the villain to call Zorro outdated in the middle of a heated battle, but to say, "[The mask] belongs in a museum. So do you!" is a bit much.
The unintentional comedy continues as Zorro promises his son "I will never lie to you again, ever," amusingly reminiscent to the "Team America: World Police" line "I promise I will never die."
Overall, impressions of "The Legend of Zorro" might be mixed. Older audience members will like Jones and Banderas, but cringe at the silly parts. Kids will find the movie hilarious, but will then be forced into an awkward, premature discussion about corsets and the birds and bees on the ride home.
If you have an open mind about run-of-the-mill Hollywood sequels, you will be entertained, aroused, and might even learn something about period costuming and perhaps human anatomy, but not American history.
