As many of you know by now, the university has notified me of its intention to expel me for my conduct in the early morning hours of November 23rd. Although there is a lot that night that I do not remember, I do believe the published accounts are, for the most part, accurate. I know that my actions that night have caused a lot of pain to the officers involved, to Tufts faculty and students, and to the entire Tufts community. I also know that they my actions were extremely upsetting to my friends, family, and teammates. I truly regret having let down so many people who know me and care for me.
I take complete responsibility for my actions. I chose to drink that night and cannot blame anyone else for my actions. The level of alcohol in my bloodstream that night -- which I am told can be a near fatal amount -- may provide a bit of an explanation but it does not provide an excuse. In looking inward for an explanation of my actions, I have not yet been able to find any. I have, however, sought professional help in trying to understand them and will pursue this therapy vigorously.
Because of the level of alcohol in my system that night, there are many blank spots in my memory. Most troubling of all is the account of my physically assaulting Officer Burton. Almost as troubling is my use of so many racial epithets directed at Officer Burton and the other officers that night.
I apologize to Officer Burton and to the other officers for any physical or emotional harm my actions may have caused them. If there is any way that I can begin to make up for whatever pain I may have caused I would be more than willing to do so. I know that by doing what I did, I have let my family, teammates, and friends down. At this point, the only thing left for me to do is to apologize, try to make amends for my actions and learn from my mistakes.
Although I don't understand exactly why I used the words that I did, I believe that they were expressions of anger, frustration, and, perhaps, fear, and were not intended to cause hurt. I recognize, however, that these words are an insult to the principles I have grown up with and are deeply offensive to my family, my friends, my home community, and to the Tufts community. Those who know me know that I am not a racist and that I, myself, am horrified by the words I used that night.
Again, I would like to say that I am very sorry for what I did and that I take complete responsibility for my actions. While I recognize that I am not entitled to your compassion or forgiveness, I do appreciate the understanding shown by so many of my friends, family, and teachers and remain hopeful that the university and this community will give me an opportunity to prove that people can redeem themselves and that this one horrible act does not truly reflect who I really am.
Sincerely,
Ciaran O'Donovan
