As this is my last column of the semester, I want to end by imparting some wisdom that you can all use while on our month away from school because if you're anything like me, your Winter Break may consist of a number a pick-up basketball games with old friends at the local gym.
This leads me to my first piece of advice: don't play. I am a typical college student; my diet consists largely of delivery food and booze, and I am continually overstressed and sleep-deprived. As I learned over Thanksgiving Break, this is not adequate preparation to run around a basketball court for any extended period of time. You know those old guys who limp all over the floor and sweat profusely? Well, those years are fast approaching.
This brings me to my next piece of advice. Instead of playing pick-up games, how about indulging in the single greatest game ever invented - HORSE?
HORSE is the classic game that gives you letters if you do not match your opponent's successful shot at the hoop. It combines everything one would want in a game: basketball, spelling and fierce competition. ESPN columnist Bill Simmons has suggested HORSE be played by NBA players during the All-Star Break, and I completely agree.
In addition, HORSE can be played to spell other words. If you're a short on time or really bad at shooting, try PIG. If you want to keep up your Tufts' enthusiasm over break, try JUMBO. If you like prehistoric mammals, try MASTODON.
My third piece of advice is extended, as I will offer strategy (or "strategery" if you're a George Dubya Bush fan) to winning your HORSE games.
First, I suggest starting off with some easy shots, such as short banks from the blocks or free throws to warm up and establish a rhythm. Also, if your opponent manages to miss one of these "bunnies," you begin the contest with an important one-letter lead.
Next, it is essential to find some "go-to" spots on the floor. These are personal places in which a player makes a high percentage and can almost guarantee they won't miss. Some people like the top of the key; I prefer spots just behind the elbows for my 16-foot jumper. If you're struggling with more difficult shots or need to stop your opponent's momentum, move to your "go-to" locale. This shot will help you get your shooting confidence back.
Third, while some people step into a game looking to copy that old McDonald's commercial in which Larry Bird and Michael Jordan played HORSE, this is, unfortunately and realistically, not the path to success. You know what I'm talking about - those "from the third row of the bleachers, off the wall, off the scoreboard and in!" attempts. They nearly never work, and they're likely to maim innocent children who just happen to be mulling around the gym.
Instead, try hard, but not crazy, shots. These include deeper, Tim Duncan-style bankers and NBA-range threes. If you can make your attempt, odds are your opponent won't make his or hers.
Also, though I advise against ridiculous shots, I do believe that at least one manageable trick shot should be mastered and attempted each game. The granny-style free throw, shooting with your weak hand, eyes closed attempts and the famous Larry Bird-over-the-backboard-shot all fit into this category. For example, an old friend of mine mastered the "one-arm hurl." Actually, he didn't master it, he was just a quarterback in football so he would basically chuck the ball at the hoop.
If you want to spice up your game, I suggest reenacting famous basketball shots. Do the "Christian Laettner at Duke" by throwing the ball off the far backboard and having it come back to you, fake one way, and nail a turnaround foul-line jumper. Try the "Michael Jordan against the Cavs" by dribbling once to your left and making a 15-footer, then jumping in the air approximately five feet and punching the air numerous times in celebration. Or do the "Kareem" by putting on large Rec-Specs and hitting a baseline sky-hook.
Finally, there are some other options to consider, including the "to call swish or not to call swish debate." Personally, I don't usually like calling "swish" before attempting a shot. It may be good for an easy shot like a free throw, but it is frustrating to make a shot of some difficulty and have it slightly nick the rim.
Another thing to consider is the mental aspect of the game. Try getting in your opponent's head by going back to shots they missed earlier or attempting a free-throw to get that final "E," thereby testing if your opponent can be clutch on this slowed-down shot.
With all these strategies in place, you should have no problem whooping your friends from home in HORSE, provided, or course, that you have some semblance of basketball shooting skills. Either way, my last piece of advice is to play HORSE often and enjoy your Winter Break.
Ben Swasey is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. He can be reached via e-mail at Benjamin.Swasey@tufts.edu.
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