When most students get ready to study abroad for the semester, they are anxious about the packing, the anxiety of living in a new place and the possibility of not remembering their last four semesters of French.
For some, however, there is an additional worry: saying goodbye to a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Being involved in a relationship before leaving for a semester or even a year abroad can create a major dilemma: should you break up with your significant other, or should you try to sustain the ultimate long-distance relationship?
Clinician Deborah Forman of the Tufts Counseling Center said that there are two very important elements that all students in relationships should bear in mind when they go abroad. The first is communication.
"In order for any relationship to be healthy, both students must communicate on a regular basis," Forman said.
Secondly, Forman said that students must anticipate all possible changes before they go abroad. The possibilities of change are endless, and students should think about the different aspects of their lives that could be altered during their time abroad.
Seniors Thomas Singer and Daphne LaBua both discovered that while maintaining a relationship abroad may be difficult, it is not impossible. Singer and LaBua started dating in the spring semester of their sophomore year.
During their junior year, LaBua studied abroad in Paris for the entire year, and Singer went to Hong Kong during the spring semester.
"The hardest part is not being able to share the same experiences," Singer said. "You are in a new place, doing fun and touristy things, and all you can think about is how much you would love for your girlfriend to be there with you."
LaBua agreed that the hardest part of her abroad experience was being away from Singer for such a long time. "When you are apart from someone for so long it seems as though having a boyfriend is more of an idea than a reality," she said.
When Singer visited LaBua in France during his Thanksgiving break at Tufts, both of them were reassured of their relationship and knew it could still work.
"How many guys would be willing to fly across the world for only two days in order to see their girlfriend?" LaBua said. "When I saw him again in Paris, I said to myself 'I want to be with this man.'"
A successful love story, however, is not always the result of attempts to stay committed across continents: Junior Michael Stone and his girlfriend of five months have decided to try taking a break during their semesters abroad.
Stone's girlfriend, who goes to Wellesley College, is currently studying abroad in Paris, and Stone is headed to Australia this week.
"The fact that we are going to be away from each other longer than we have known each other was a large concern," Stone said. "We have heard far too many long-distance horror stories, and while everyone's situation is unique, we felt that it would be best to take a break during our time abroad."
Stone is confident in this decision. Instead of lingering on his now-ended relationship, he is focusing his excitement on his upcoming journey.
"I think that six months is a long time, and people certainly change, especially when placed in a foreign atmosphere that lacks the same comfort zone that is found back home," Stone said.
"By being on opposite sides of the world we will either come to appreciate what we had or realize that it's not meant to be," he added.
Junior Carolina Fowler did not have to deal with the anxiety of parting with a loved one before studying abroad, considering she was not engaged in a serious relationship.
In a few months, however, she will have to face the same tough choice as many students.
Fowler met her current boyfriend the second week after arriving in Argentina, where she is spending her junior year abroad.
She acknowledged that "it is hard to enjoy a relationship when you know the exact date that you are going to have to say goodbye."
Fowler, however, does not let potential goodbyes get in her way. "I believe that overcoming this fear [of parting] is not only the greatest challenge to our relationship, but also to my personal life," Fowler said.
Fowler's family is from Uruguay, so she hopes to visit her boyfriend during her school breaks while at Tufts.
Other students, like seniors Emily O'Neil and Michael Lalka, couldn't bear the thought of parting. The couple met the first week of college while playing hall soccer on the fourth floor of Tilton. Two years later, they both ventured to London.
Once abroad, O'Neil and Lalka found their relationship to be a comfort in their new surroundings. "We had the advantage of combining our stipends," O'Neil said. "We always had someone to cook with, travel with and share the process of adjusting to a new culture and atmosphere [with]. It's comforting to have someone going through the same adjustment process who knows you so well."
There were, however, a few disadvantages. "We probably met fewer British students because we hung out together a lot," Lalka added.
Despite some obstacles, O'Neil and Lalka's relationship thrived: They will be celebrating their three-and-a-half-year anniversary this March.
"Challenges made our relationship stronger," O'Neil said. "From trying to explain we were locked out and needed someone to show us how to open our apartment door in Catalan [a city in Spain] to flapping our arms in Brno [a city in the Czech Republic] wondering how the Czech word for 'airport' could be missing from the Lonely Planet guidebook, we certainly had our moments. Overall, it was a great experience. After all, how often does one get to spend Valentine's Day in Paris in love?"
According to Fowler, however, it is important to keep in mind that a relationship does not necessarily have to succeed. "I do not want people to idealize their experiences on being abroad based on what other people have to say," Fowler said.
"However, I do believe that in this time of life, people must be open minded and have intentions to enjoy as much as they can," she said.
"Whatever your experience ends up being, there is always something valuable that you can learn from it no matter how bad or good it is," Fowler added.
Melanie Armstrong from the Tufts Study Abroad Office said that it is hard for staff members to make any recommendations to students on how to deal with romantic relationships while abroad.
"It is probably best to ask students who have actually been abroad, as their experiences tend to be more real," Armstrong said.
