Joni Mitchell had it right; you really don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.
Like the NBA on NBC, home cooking, allowances, and Zack, Kelly and the gang on Saturday mornings, there are some things that you don't truly appreciate until you wake up one day and they've just up and vanished like a fart in the wind. Well I can now add intramural softball and flag football to that list. Yes, those two time-honored sporting traditions of the former high school all-star have sadly been erased from the intramural repertoire this semester.
Now I haven't played on a softball team since sophomore year, and my flag football experience consists of only a handful of games here and there, but after hearing the news I was livid. While the chances of my playing in either of the leagues this semester were probably slim, there still was a chance. And I'll be damned if that one-in-1,000 shot is taken away from me.
I've never been a big fan of the way the intramural system is run at this school. My past intramural experiences have included absentee refs, turf field lights going AWOL, and wasting half a softball game sprinting from the field to Cohen and back for a bat and a ball.
But the most ridiculous intramural snafu occurred last spring when during the second half of the soccer championship the lights inexplicably went off. The excuse we received was a nonchalant "its 10:30 - quittin' time." That's it. There was no, "I'm sorry, we should have started the playoffs earlier to account for time between games" or "Our fault guys, next year we will divide the playoffs into two days." Nope, just "see you next year."
And this most recent news has put me over the edge. So as any furious, foaming at the mouth, teetering on the brink of insanity citizen would do, I wrote a letter to the intramural coordinator, Cheryl Milligan, asking her three questions. A) Why did they cut football and softball? B) Why does the sports season start so late (March 27th)? C) Do you eat your baby seals rare or well done?
She responded that she lacked "the coordinators to run all the sports every semester" and did not have the "time or ability to do it" herself. Ms. Milligan responded to the second of my questions by stating that winter and spring sports have priority and are using the indoor facilities.
As for the lack of able bodies, I can sympathize with her plight. My understanding is that somehow Tufts is a "poor" college despite the fact that it squeezes out $40,000-plus from each student, pays its teachers with a mixture of Jumbonuts and leftover Hodgdon burritos, and revokes certain inalienable television rights from the student body such as ESPN. Where does the money go? My best theory? I can't get the image of President Bacow as Scrooge McDuck, swimming amongst a sea of Dead Presidents in a carefully guarded money bin somewhere out of my head. But then again, there's a reason my current bank account statement is preceded by a negative sign.
Now, to Ms. Milligan's second excuse, while I find her lack of ability a bit baffling, I do begrudge her lack of time as a viable reason. Her position as the softball coach should take precedence over intramurals and the spring semester is obviously much more stressful than the fall semester. And it's not like she is coaching the Bad News Bears. The Tufts softball team has been one of the elite teams in New England, leading all of Div. III in home runs in 2005 and amassing an impressive 27-8 record. Oh, and Ms. Milligan was named NESCAC Coach of the Year.
But you'd think that with her background, softball would be the last thing cut. How can you turn on the sport that has brought so much personal athletic success and joy as a player and now provides you with a weekly paycheck? If Tufts' starting shortstop does her best Gabe Kapler impression while trotting around the bases in the first game of the season and its cleanup hitter tests positive for "the clear" don't say I didn't warn you. The softball gods are angry.
Although the intramural softball season will probably never see the light of day, there is still hope for flag football. Why not start the flag football season right now, or three weeks ago for that matter? It would make perfect sense, as Ms. Milligan would be able to get the ball rolling before softball was in full swing and the other intramural seasons split her time. This winter has been manageable if not downright temperate, so the weather shouldn't be a problem. But even if the real Boston winter did stand up, the effects on the flag football season would be minimal.
Football is one of the few sports that can be played in the most severe of conditions. In the annals of NFL history there has been both an Icebowl, where 50,861 fans showed up despite the -37° wind chill, and a Snowbowl, where 12 inches at kickoff time did not prevent 19,856 loyal cheese heads from making the trek. Now if people are willing to go to such great lengths to simply watch football, then they'll definitely be willing to tolerate a little frostbite if they are given a chance to actually play.
So I put it to you, Ms. Milligan, and the rest of the Tufts community for that matter, to resolve this problem. Get some LCS people on the case. I am willing to make the sacrifice and take on a coordinator position at no cost. If we don't make a stand here, then what will be gone next semester: intramural badminton? I shudder to think.
