Watching the Masters last Sunday, two sights struck me. The first was that Fred Couples looks like a fourteen-year-old boy with gray hair. The second was that Phil Mickelson's wife, Amy, is gorgeous. No new revelation, but it got me thinking.
As my roommate and I stared transfixed at the television image of Mrs. Mickelson bathing in late afternoon sunlight, a stat appeared that highlighted the fact that Phil Mickelson, having gone 0-for-42 in all previous majors, now owned two Green Jackets with three majors victories. So what happened? Did he shorten his swing? Did he start a new exercise regime? Maybe. But I think Mrs. Mickelson may hold the answer to Phil's newfound success.
In all those 42 previous majors, Phil was either thinking, "I've got to make this putt for birdie," or, "Damn! I've got to hurry up and get home to my hot wife." I think we can guess which it was.
Now Phil easily could have remained content being the Greatest Player Never to Win a Title with Mrs. Mickelson waiting for him at home. But I'm betting that wasn't going to fly with her, and an ultimatum was made: win a title, or sleep on the couch. That'll produce results fast.
So now Lefty is sitting pretty, but he should be thankful. He could have ended up like so many other athletes who walked down the aisle and quickly fell apart. I think most of us are aware of the impact wives have had on certain athletes, what you might call the "Yoko Ono Effect." Some may call it superstition. I call it Hot Wife Syndrome (HWS), and it's a reality.
The most famous victim of this phenomenon is Andre Agassi. Following his marriage to Brooke Shields in 1997, Agassi won no major titles that year and fell to the 141st world ranking. Poor Andre. He married "Suddenly Susan" and immediately began Suddenly Sucking. The two divorced in 1999, and that same year Agassi won the French Open and the U.S. Open, and finished No. 1 in the world.
Now there's no conclusive evidence that Ms. Shields had an adverse affect on Agassi. Just like they'll probably find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
Agassi is a unique example; not only did he successfully combat the effect of HWS, but he later married Stefi Graff, forging an unholy alliance of athletic perfection that may allow him to continue playing tennis until he's 90. Even this, however, is not a guaranteed cure (see: the Garciaparra-Hamm Alliance).
Agassi survived, but not all are so lucky. Take Doug Christie for example. The hapless former Kings guard had a "unique" marriage that may have hurt his NBA career. He and his wife shared intricate hand signals during games, his wife telling him what play to run or to smile on the bench, and Christie telling her he loves her. She also used to follow in a car behind the team bus, talking to Christie on a cell phone until the team arrived at the arena or hotel.
Yowza.
Christie, plagued by injuries, averaged 3.7 points and 2.0 assists in seven games for the Mavericks in 2005. Now not too many are crying over the loss of Doug Christie, but HWS's greatest victim may be yet to come.
Tiger Woods, arguably the most dominant force in golf, fell victim to the song of the harpie, when in 2004 he married Swedish supermodel Elin Nordegren. A Swedish supermodel? This was just asking for trouble.
A month before the wedding Tiger lost his No. 1 world ranking to Vijay Singh, and he chalked up only one tournament victory in all of 2004. Although he regained his top ranking in 2005 and broke his majors drought by winning the Masters that year and later the British Open, Woods has yet to return to his old form.
Now some will argue that Tiger is still the player to beat in the golfing world, and maybe he'll be able to break out of the dreaded Wife Strangle. Only time will tell, but if history (and photographs) are any indication, Tiger best get content with finishing second.
This is a real problem folks, and it is only a matter of time before medical science acknowledges HWS as a fact. But until that time, Mrs. Mickelson, if things don't work out with Phil, my e-mail address is below.
