Skin. We're all covered in it, and yet many people are scared to death of it. And I think discomfort with skin - I'm talking nudity here - is the problem with intimacy. Not only do we place enormous importance on taking off the clothes of our lovers (think high school - the "bases" could practically be defined by the number of clothing items that were removed), but many people are so unaccustomed to seeing and feeling themselves naked that when it comes time to take off clothes, they rush to put them back on as soon as possible.
Let's start with sex. Most sex is performed naked. True, not all. There's something to be said for a quickie where a skirt is just pushed up and out of the way or strategic pieces of lingerie are left on. But, the most intimate sex is often when the bodies of two people are completely exposed. To me, there's nothing better than the sensation of skin on skin during foreplay and sex when every nerve ending is jumping with excitement at the physical contact. Whether it's a light caress or full body-on-body contact, your skin is where so much of your sexual pleasure is received.
And sex is only the beginning. Curling up with your lover after a bout of passion, feeling their warmth against you, can be one of the most comforting and pleasurable sensations of all. How about waking up next to someone naked? One of the most erotic experiences I ever had was waking up next to a man, thinking he was still asleep, only to be surprised when he moved towards me and startled me with a gentle brush of his fingertips up my thigh. See that? Even the words are the stuff of trashy romance novels, and for good reason. Being naked enhances every physical pleasure connected with sexuality.
But it's not just in the touch. Seeing a lover in the nude is one of the most exciting parts of sex. Turning off the lights every time or closing your eyes during the act is denying yourself of visual gratification and excitement for both you and your partner. Showering together can be incredibly arousing too - the sight of your partner with water streaming over their naked body evokes erotic images of waterfalls, getting soaked in the rain, even sweat.
It's no wonder that we're so uncomfortable being naked. Society keeps telling us to cover up. Think about all the times we could be luxuriating in the comfort of our own skin when instead we're told to cover up - I'm thinking pajamas, bathing suits, bathrobes, even shoes... People spend a fortune on overpriced pajamas when, especially in the warmer months, we could be luxuriating in the feel of cool sheets on our hot skin. Many fork over hundreds of dollars for stylish bathing suits which they wear, even on the most private of beaches and lakefronts. The pleasures of nude sunbathing and the unmatchable sensation of skinny dipping on a hot day into cool water, or a cool night into summer-warmed waters, have been ousted from mainstream society.
Even when people have to get naked in order to shower and bathe, they wrap themselves in towels or bathrobes as soon as they turn off the water. Ever tried drip-drying and spending a little time in the nude as water evaporates off your skin? It's heavenly. Even a summer walk in the grass or on warm rocks with bare feet opens your body up to new sensations, especially after spending most of our lives with our feet tied up in restrictive footwear.
My point is this: If we go through life concentrating on covering ourselves up, how can we ever be comfortable with seeing ourselves, having other people see us, or seeing others naked? It's no wonder that so many people reach for their clothes or hide under the sheets as soon as they're done making love. I have to say, I've never been as annoyed as I was when after an all-night love-making session, a new guy in my life hopped out of bed, pulled on his boxers and t-shirt, and then proceeded to crawl back under the covers and fall asleep (I knew right then it wouldn't work between us). Society has taught us to be embarrassed by the sight of our bodies in their natural state. If you're going to let someone touch, kiss, or even penetrate you, why can't you let them see you? It may seem silly, but the appreciation of and opportunity to revel in nakedness is so often omitted from sexual encounters that a degree of intimacy has really gone missing from America's sex culture.
So start getting comfy naked. I'm not saying take off your clothes anywhere or for just anyone, but getting acquainted with the sight of yourself, and the sensations that you're exposed to, when you're unclothed, is incredibly important to fully embodying one's sexuality. Not only will you learn not to shy away from the sight of yourself au natural in a mirror, but you'll probably even begin to appreciate the idiosyncrasies and beauties of your body. The comfort with yourself that being in the nude brings will not only put you more at ease being seen by a partner, but I can guarantee the confidence in your body that it will build will help you radiate a sexiness that partners, potential or regular, will absolutely pick up on.
So go on, get naked. It may take some getting used to, but soon enough, you'll never want to put your clothes on again.
Sara Franklin is a sophomore majoring in history. She can be reached via e-mail at sara.franklin@tufts.edu
