Another year has passed at Tufts and this summer, some of you are going home to places like Hawaii, Los Angeles or even overseas. I'm not even crossing the Mystic.
I can live with that, though. I'm completely content with my summer ahead. I don't need a summer at the O.C. I'll find way funnier plot lines if I become a regular at the RB (Revere Beach). Don't underestimate the power of Medford: It has a special ability to suck you in. It's similar to a roulette table or drugs; you know you want to do it but shouldn't because it could be detrimental to your life in some ways. But luckily, we're in college. As a matter of fact, I'm going to count down the top six reasons (I wanted to do the top 24 reasons to honor Jack Bauer, but I couldn't fit it under the word limit - I bet he could) as to why a summer in Medford is far better than a summer anywhere else, with exceptions of maybe Provincetown or the Jersey Shore.
Number 6: July 4th
Boston has by far the best, most amazing Fourth of July celebration in the country, maybe even the world (for those of you who missed that joke ... damn). They set off about 400 million fireworks while the Boston Pops flawlessly perform the 1812 Overture as you stand by the Charles River, nibbling on cotton candy or shot-gunning a beer for America.
The fireworks display is unrivaled, and townies are in full effect, drinking Natty Lights all day in the sun. Staring up at a dizzying array of fireworks tends to be high comedy if you're in the mood to see sunburned men falling into the Charles from their drunken vertigo.
Number 5: Trips to Cape Cod
This place is unreal. Want to see the next David Ortiz? Check out a Cape League baseball game. In dire need of some choice seafood? Hop down to any beachside town; their food without a doubt beats anyplace I've ever been - but watch out for the crabs. Did you just get caught making out at a bar with someone other than your girlfriend, by your girlfriend? Bed and breakfast is within walking distance of either a beach or shopping outlets ... it's the Massachusetts equivalent of Monopoly's get-out-of-jail-free card.
Number 4: The bars
Townies are in full effect during the summer months, knowing they can sweat off the hangovers at work the next morning. The fashion shows on display at Beantown bars are nice; summer nights rival any held in Milan or Paris. For men, the shirt of choice is the wife-beater tank top, a gold watch, bronzer (for their peeling fake-bake tans) and two pounds of extra-strength black market hair gel. For women, there are low-cut shirts, high riding skirts, knee-high boots and a horrified/dangerously crazy boyfriend.
Number 3: The Red Sox
My team is more fun to watch than yours. I don't care who you root for; it's not as fun as the Sox. The only two who can make arguments are fans of the Yankees or the Cubs, because they have fun stadiums with good fans. Going to a game at Fenway, in the summer, in a series against the Yankees, during a pennant race, 10 beers deep, seated next to a guy who's puking and a guy with a tattoo on his bicep that counts the number of street fights he's won, and catching a Papi homer is precisely why it's better to be a Sox fan.
Number 2: The chicks
Where else can you find girls who will spend six hours each day lying out at the beach with three bottles of intense tanning lotion and one of those huge reflecting mirrors for maximum burn - and then they go to work at their tanning salon that same night, spending another four to five hours in a tanning booth with the "might as well be standing on the sun" level of power? Nothing like skin that could be mistaken for leather to get your heart racing.
Number 1: College Ave.
Enough students will stay around to take classes or intern in Boston to make this a pretty fun atmosphere with keg barbeques and other keg-related activities.
You can take a six-pack on the porch and watch domestic disputes occur all around you, like a Jerry Springer show with the theme "Mothers who get mad at their daughters for working on the same corner."
There's always something to do and, when in doubt, you can always just walk down to The Broken Yolk and have a conversation with that guy who just swears at everyone who walks by.
Not to mention the most redeeming quality of Medford: I'm always here.
