Hi, I'm Neil Padover. I like to make people feel good about themselves, and I also just so happen to be really awkward.
That's why I am sharing my experiences with other people. It's so that you can see that you're either not alone in becoming involved in completely awkward situations or that I'm just a total A-hole and you are much cooler than me. How awkward am I? So awkward that my superhero alter-ego is actually Awkward Boy. I'm serious. My friend Saadon coined the name in order to cut down my self-esteem as good friends often do. While detractors have tried to emotionally slash me by throwing my awkwardness in my face, their attempts are futile. I have embraced my awkwardness and thus I give you this first installment providing some highlights of my experiences while working in Manhattan this past summer.
Early on in the summer I was walking in Columbus Circle with one of the other interns in my office when I saw a stylishly dressed black man looking in a store window. He was walking with two young white girls. I turned to the other intern and said, "Dude, that's Terrence Howard!" Of course he had no idea who Terrence Howard was. "Come on. Crash? Hustle and Flow?" Still nothing. In order to be able to tell my friends I had seen Terrence Howard walking the streets I had to verify his identity. "Terrence!" I screamed and waited. He turned. "Yeah?" I froze like the awkward white kid I was in the presence of this tall black celebrity and said the first thing that came to my mind. "You're the man!" I screamed. And I gave him the thumbs up. The thumbs up which ceased being cool a few years before we were born. To which the Academy Award nominee simply shook his head and walked away.
This summer I learned that if a girl says she is taking a summer class at NYU called "Women in Politics" you shouldn't respond, "There are women in politics?" Chances are she will not get your sharp wit nor will she think it's cute. Believe me.
One day this summer I was sitting down on the subway and saw a pregnant woman standing. So to be a nice guy I offered her my seat. She kindly accepted, and that really should have been the end of it. But I felt a newfound connection with this woman because of my charitable act. And so I decided to make appropriate conversation. "How far along are you?" She had no idea what I was talking about and told me she was getting off at 42nd street. "No. I mean when is the baby due?" I asked her. "I'm not pregnant" she replied. I slowly moved to the other side of the subway car and stared at the floor.
I would listen to my Ipod on the subway a lot too. One day I was listening to a really slow melodic love song. I got really into it and started exchanging glances with a girl sitting across from me. I would gaze up and she'd look up then quickly away. It was like she was inviting me into this world that only the two of us, in this sea of people knew about. And then suddenly I had a moment of clarity. She wasn't listening to an Ipod and could not hear the soundtrack that was going on in my head. She was actually trying to avoid eye contact with me the whole time. And I'm a creep.
And that was all just this summer. Imagine how many awkward interactions I will have now that I'm once again surrounded by five thousand college students 24 hours a day. Tune in next time to see where I will put my foot in my mouth next.
Neil Padover is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached neil.padover@tufts.edu.
