"For every action, there is an equal but opposite reaction." - Isaac Newton.
There is a god of sports, and he is not a benign deity. He's a deity that specializes in building people up, then throwing them back down as indelicately as possible (just ask Ryan Leaf). He's a deity capable of great compassion (see Red Sox, 2004), and great cruelty (see Red Sox, 2003). He may have a master plan, but sometimes it's very hard to see (three words: Los Angeles Clippers)
But what is perhaps his most interesting feature is the way in which he keeps the playing field level. You see, any time that an athlete emerges who is so good that he/she would revolutionize his/her sport, or dominate at a previously unseen level, this athlete is cursed with either a major injury or a fatal flaw. Don't believe me? Here are some of my favorite examples:
Carson Palmer: I really do believe that without his devastating knee injury, Carson Palmer would have been the greatest NFL quarterback to pick up a football. This guy had it all-the arm strength and intelligence of Peyton Manning, but with better mobility, plus a better track record in big games.
Before the Steelers' Kimo Von Oelhoffen stuck his helmet in Palmer's left knee, the former Heisman winner from USC was dominating the NFL in just his second season. The Cincinnati Bengals believe Palmer is back to his old self, but I'm not fooled. He'll be a great quarterback for many years but is no longer on track to be the greatest QB ever.
Willis McGahee: Power, speed, elusiveness ... when he was at the University of Miami, McGahee had it all. In 2003, McGahee shattered the Miami records for touchdowns, rushing yards, and all-purpose yards in a single season.
Everything changed in the Hurricanes' final game of the season, when McGahee was hit along the sideline and, just like Palmer, suffered a horrific injury. Not one to give up easily (or pass up millions of dollars), McGahee rehabbed aggressively during the off season and impressed the Buffalo Bills enough to be drafted in the first round. Although he may be one of the top young backs in the league, he has yet to regain the fearless running style that made him such a fantastic college back.
Alex Rodriguez: Here's where we have to get a little creative. A-Rod has been lucky enough to avoid major injury since he came onto the scene in 1996. He's good looking, well-mannered, and has a beautiful wife. He also has more natural talent than anyone who has ever played the game.
Here's the problem: he's a head case who flops under pressure, whines, and is now generally disliked by just about everyone, including his hometown fans in New York. It's gotten so bad that I've even begun to pity A-Rod, and I've often professed to hate his guts.
Darryl Strawberry, Lawrence Taylor, Jose Canseco: Drugs. 'Nuff said.
Which of course brings me to the inevitable question: who's next? There are two athletes currently dominating the sports world that meet the criteria.
First, LeBron James. To be honest, I fear for King James' life. The man-child from Akron, Ohio, is only 21 years old and is already the best player in the NBA. He has a skill set that combines the best qualities of Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson.
So what form will LeBron's curse take? A knee injury? Or perhaps something more subtle, like an inability to win NBA championships? I hope dearly that I'm wrong in this prediction, but if anyone has it coming to them, it's LeBron.
The second tragedy waiting to happen is Minnesota Twins catcher Joe Mauer. Here's a guy who's revolutionizing his position. Mauer is currently leading the AL in batting average at .347. That's unheard-of for a catcher. Not only does he have the best swing in baseball, but he's an outstanding defensive catcher, and he's constantly improving at calling games. That's why, if I were Joe Mauer, I probably wouldn't leave my house in a thunderstorm, go out at night, or generally leave my home for any reason other than food or baseball.
I know there are exceptions to my rule. Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods certainly come to mind. But if you consider yourself a sports fan, consider the possibility that my theory is true. And pray for LeBron James.
