Dear Bridget,
Being abroad, I sometimes have to fight the feeling that I'm becoming invincible.
No drinking age, no RAs, even the street signs are unintelligible and can't reprimand you for exiting here or walking there. The people you bump into on crowded streets might yell at you, but for all you know their shouts mean "I like puppies - have a nice day, sunshine!" The cultural differences and language barriers can make you feel like an exception to the rule in a foreign land. These people aren't "your" people, so why should their laws be your own?
Two words: foreign prisons.
Now you know me. I'm pretty cautious and level-headed - a double-knotted shoelaces kind of gal - especially here. But my new friends in my program sometimes get themselves into trouble from this sense of invincibility I described. After only two months here, a fair amount of American students have had not-so-favorable encounters with the law. Dealing with foreign embassies and international law isn't exactly how I'd like to spend my time abroad, but sometimes it happens.
Since our classes are condensed into four hectic days of homework and presentations, everybody cuts loose on our three-day weekends. Travelers to Amsterdam, Munich, and Rome manage to find creative ways to offend the locals or their law systems, and return (assuming they make bail) to proudly tell the tale.
Not that you'll ever have to look out for your personal liberties, but I thought I'd share what I've learned so far about European systems of justice. I've compiled a list of the Best European Prisons in which to be incarcerated. (Plus, college students love lists. And our age bracket is strongly represented in the penal system.)
5) Bratislava, Slovakia: The first rule of Bratislava's jails: build your own cell. As I've heard it, with the economy hitting record lows on a daily basis, the justice system has had to take drastic measures. The jails were dismantled and the iron bars used to make currency, called the nikelsky, which is presently worthless. So now it's up to prisoners to build their own retaining centers, and it's so much trouble to get the prisoners to cooperate they'll usually let you go after a little digging with your hands (a severe shovel shortage has plagued the country since the Borimir Ditch Crisis of 1998).
4) Naples, Italy: Naples, the traditional seat of Italy's most infamous mafia families, has historically had some of the highest crime rates in the Western world. Apparently, the frustrated local police force was tired of picking up a suspect only to find themselves threatened with cement shoes by an angered "family" the next day. To avoid the heavy leaning of the dons, they decided to make the incarceration process as painless as possible. Police cars are upholstered with - what else - the finest Italian leather, and even the uniforms are designed by Donatella Versace. The holding cells are marble-tiled, which tends to be a bit chilly, but don't worry, the wine is kept flowing to keep you comfortable. In the world of organized crime, they have plenty of organized activities to keep you occupied, such as bocce ball, fettuccini twirling, and mustache growing competitions.
3) Oslo, Norway: Progressive Norwegians are big advocates of gender equality. Maternity leave benefits are so cushy some couples have kids just to have paid leave, and the parliament is nearly 48 percent women, thanks to gender quotas passed by the government a few years back. What does this mean for the prison system? The police force has to fill gender quotas for the holding cells, too. Since statistically, men end up behind bars more than women, the Norwegians figured they'd even things up a bit and strive to include women in this traditionally male-dominated area. So female travelers to Norway should watch out - even jay-walking is grounds for an overnight stay in er slammerkyld unisexlig!
2) Munich, Germany: My source for this jail won't stop raving about his cellmates, the food, the gyms, the television - everything. He's contemplating going back and committing a minor felony just to get back in, or maybe getting a job as a guard there (he said the uniforms were very retro). He has this catchy little song he sings all the time in German, and this handshake he tried to teach everybody, except it's more like holding your hand up in the air for a high-five you never give...
1) Amsterdam, the Netherlands: Congrats if you figure out how to get in! Considering how much is legal here, you'd need to be pretty creative to end up in a Dutch jail. Unfortunately, I can't say much about them, because my source on this jail blacked out for a full three weeks and doesn't remember anything about the facilities. All I know is that they have to be pretty wild. Actually, this source may have just been living in a Dutch KFC for that time, addressing the cashiers as "Warden" and living in a booth sectioned off by "Caution: Wet Floor" signs. But I don't think his vivid flashbacks each time he smells chicken strips are related.
It's been great compiling my painstaking research, but I've got to get ready for my fall break trip to Spain. I'll have lots to share when I get back, I miss you and I'll see you in almost a month!
Kate
Bridget Reddington and Kate Peck are juniors majoring in English.
