Do you remember what middle school was like?
Middle school has faded into a haze of scrawny hormonal boys with zits and NRBs (no-reason boners), horrible fashion trends (like gelled-back ponytails and stiff-ironed bangs) and irregular periods that wouldn't come for two months and then suddenly decide to make a surprise visit when you're going on a family camping trip.
Middle school was when breasts, butts, hair, and overall "sex appeal" first started to matter. It's when most of us first became conscious of our own bodies.
Apparently, things have changed. I can't speak for everyone's childhood experiences, but what is slowly becoming the trend with 12- and 13-year-olds around the nation shocks me, and these trends have nothing to do with bad hair.
The pressure now for middle-school-aged kids to engage in sexual activities is astounding. Things have really sped up. One day, you notice you have boobs or a penis; the next day, you've got to use them.
I knew what sex was, of course. I had sex ed. in fifth grade where boys blew up condoms and stuck feminine pads to their foreheads. But never was I forced to perform oral sex on a pimply boy I barely knew because all my friends were doing it. None of my friends were "doing it."
In my last column about teen pregnancy, I noted that the rate of sexual intercourse among teenagers has actually decreased - this does not mean, however, that kids aren't engaging in sexual activities.
There might be a decrease in sexual intercourse as in a penis penetrating a vagina, but what this may really mean is that more middle and high school kids are engaging in oral sex. "Hooking up" doesn't mean just hanging out to college students; it doesn't mean just kissing for middle school students either.
When I was in middle school, I had "crushes" on boys, but they were still weird. I couldn't even say the word penis out loud. The thought of putting one in my mouth would've sent me hurling into the girl's bathroom.
But now, I'm hearing about hookup parties. I don't know if you've ever heard of a "rainbow party": it's where girls and boys get together and the girls all put on different-colored lipstick, then take turns leaving it on the boys' penises to form rainbows.
Am I really old-fashioned for thinking that a "rainbow party" was some sort of gay pride gathering?
This may sound amusing - or even fun - to you, but not when it's occurring with pre-teen middle school kids.
Now that we're in college, many of us feel that we are old enough to "experiment," that there's freedom to explore our sexuality. But should this really be true for 12- and 13-year-olds?
I am thoroughly disturbed when I hear that such impersonal sexual activities are occurring with such young girls and boys. What's more disturbing is that many parents these days seem clueless.
In Leonard Sax's book "Why Gender Matters," he mentions a study conducted by psychologist Rick Zimmerman and pediatrician Thomas Young in which 140 middle school kids and their parents were asked questions pertaining to alcohol and drug use, smoking and sex. When asked whether their children have had sex, only 2 percent of parents answered yes, while 52 percent of the kids themselves answered yes.
The parents were only 50 percent off.
Similar results were shown when asked about alcohol and marijuana. Your parents may not know about your latest hookups at college or last weekend when you got really wasted, but these are middle school students. That means 12- and 13-year-olds.
We live in a fast-paced world. The pressure to grow up can be tremendous. But when is it too young to start having sex? Already, middle-school students are doing things many adults have never done. What's going to happen next? Are kids going to become sexually active at a younger and younger age?
As hard as social pressures might have been, middle school was a time for us to get over our awkwardness, a time to discover that we have bodies and desires and feelings. That's enough pressure as it is. If you add casual sex (or any form of sex) to that list of self-discovery, it might just be too much.
Truth is, most of these kids just aren't old enough or mature enough. Can't kids have more time to just be kids?
