Most students have probably heard that, often, many branches of Judaism are opposed to marrying outside of the faith. But to what extent does that tradition ring true for Jewish students at Tufts?
Doron Kornbluth, author of the book "Why Marry Jewish?" came to Tufts last Wednesday for the student dialogue,"Interfaith Dating."
At the dialogue, Kornbluth said he feels that many Jews feel obligated to date other Jews. He explained that, "because there are only 13 million Jews in the world, many Jews feel that they have a responsibility to protect the faith. They think that if their family has survived persecution for 3,000 years, then they need to at least ensure the family's Jewishness for the next generation."
Sophomore Alexandra Schuman, the outreach Vice President at Hillel, thinks that there is a divide among Jewish students. "Jewish students at Tufts are polarized," Schuman said. "There are people who care a lot about dating other Jews and people who don't care at all. It has to do with the sort of lifestyle they want to live."
According to freshman Adam Savitzky, a member of the a cappella group "Shir Appeal," some Jewish students won't date non-Jewish students because they do not want to disappoint their parents. He estimated that about half of the Jewish students at Tufts would not date non-Jewish students for fear of falling in love with the person.
"The thought of marrying someone outside of the religion is so heinous to a lot of Jewish parents that they'd never speak to their children again," Savitsky said.
Sophomore Leonora Mahler has felt pressure from her parents to date within the faith so that she can continue her family's religion. "My grandmother was a Holocaust survivor, so my parents view me dating like, 'Look at all the people we've lost; are you going to make us lose more?'" Mahler said. "My mom thinks I'm going to have enough Jewish babies to make up for all my great-aunts and uncles who died and couldn't have children."
Other Jewish students think that it would be hard to connect with someone who is not Jewish. After Kornbluth's lecture, freshman Ellie Berg reflected on the importance of her religion in her life. "I've realized that it would be really hard for me to date a non-Jew. Judaism is really important to me, and I'd need to be able to share that with someone who I'm dating," she said.
Some students also think of cultural matters like holiday celebrations and food when dating. Schuman does not consider herself to be religious but says that she "doesn't think she'd date anyone who wasn't Jewish. It's more culturally important for me to be with someone Jewish than it is religiously."
Many non-Jewish students said that they felt many Jewish students are interested in dating only Jewish students. Freshman Owen Kirshner, who is not Jewish, said he thinks that "most Jewish students tend to date other Jewish students."
Kornbluth explained that active Jewish students are more interested in dating students of their own religion than non-active students. However, according to Kornbluth, who defines being an active Jewish student as attending one Jewish event a month, "on average, less than 10 percent of Jewish students on a college campus are considered to be active."
Freshman Amanda Nover is casually involved at Hillel. She praised Hillel for its social events. She thinks "there are a lot of opportunities for Jewish students to socialize. Every week, Hillel sends me a Facebook message with all the freshmen activities for the week. There's a freshman retreat in January."
Nover said that she is predominantly interested in dating other Jews. "I'm not going to let [religion] hold me back," she said, "but I am actively searching for Jewish guys."
According to the admissions Web site, 23 percent of accepted students from the class of 2010 identified themselves as Jewish. Freshman Will Sokoloff thinks that "it's not as easy to meet Jewish students at Tufts as it would be at Brandeis, but it's definitely doable."
Several students said the dating scene is not big on campus. "I didn't really have any idea what the Jewish dating scene was like," said senior Ethan Heller. "I sort of met my girlfriend by accident at Hillel."
Freshman Gabe Sherman said that, so far, dating has not been an issue. "I don't think there's really much of a dating scene in general for freshmen," Sherman said. "Most freshmen just go out and hook up. It seems like people start pairing off sophomore year."
Once they do pair off, Kornbluth suggested that Jewish students date within the faith. Kornbluth commented in his lecture that "Jews who feel strongly about their religion should date other Jews," particularly if they want to marry someone Jewish.
He believed that "dating non-Jews now, even if you aren't looking for your partner, creates a pattern that is hard to break." Furthermore, Kornbluth said, "you never know when you're going to fall in love. When you fall in love with someone who isn't Jewish, you're unlikely to end the relationship because they aren't Jewish."
Kornbluth believed that Jews should marry other Jews because, in the long run, it is better for their marriage. With the divorce rate over 50 percent, he thinks that religious differences can ultimately complicate a relationship.
Kornbluth told students that "marriage is hard. When you take something that is inherently hard and make it even harder, then your relationship's chances at survival are much lower."
He also believes that people in their late teens and early twenties care less about religion than they will in a few years.
"When people get married and have children, their religious belief and sense of identity returns to them," he said. "What might not have seemed important to them five years ago is suddenly really important ... You just never know how you are going to feel when you have children."
Senior Jeff Wojciechowski, the Religious Vice-President of Hillel, already anticipates that he'll want to raise his children Jewish. "I don't want to throw my religion away. I want my kids to share Judaism with me. There could be problems if I married someone with a different take on that."
