Following political coverage for the last few months, I was drowned by the usual tidal wave of poll data, sound bites and new daily predictions that seemed to have the same level of consistency as celebrity marriages.
One trend I noticed is how the coverage of top news channels mirrored plots from television shows. A few examples: Hillary Clinton's campaign turning into an episode of "Nip/Tuck" when her opponent accused her of getting plastic surgery to advance her career; George Allen stuck in a reality television show of the "Joe Millionaire" mold when he discovered that his mother was Jewish but had never told him before; and commentators on the Missouri Senate race acting like Dr. House in response to Michael J. Fox's stem cell commercial.
Now that the election is over and there has been a drastic shift of power in Congress, I have thought of television show spins for major news affiliates to use in their future political coverage:
"Temptation Island" starring Joe Lieberman and the Democratic Party
After the Democratic Party cheats on its long-term partner, Joe Lieberman, with a younger, richer man, how will the senator respond?
The rival Republican Party on the island will court Lieberman hard, because convincing him to take revenge on his former party will shift the balance of power in the Senate back to the Republicans. Lieberman is saying he plans on sticking with his old party, but rumors are swirling that he is considering offers from the other side.
Expect both parties to court this newly single politico like he was a bachelor on "ElimiDATE."
"Who Wants to Be a President?"
With no incumbent president or vice president running for the position for the first time since 1928, the prize of presidency is up for grabs and a number of hopefuls are already jockeying for the position.
This show will pit political celebrities like Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich and Al Gore against each other as well as a number of long-shots such as Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney and Bill Richardson, among others in a contest to provide answers about issues facing the country. Participants will face questions like what is their favorite food in Iowa, boxers or briefs, Brangelina or Vaughniston, and the best foreign policy solution in Iraq.
Who will crack under the pressure of the lights? Who will display the intelligence necessary to win the prize? In this show, someone has to win.
"Real World: Washington, D.C."
Like a typical "Real World" cast, the Democratic Party is diverse, full of optimism and pursuing different goals.
Will Democrats be seduced by their newfound power and caught in a web of corruption, adultery and cover-ups? Will newly elected conservative Democrats like anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage Senate elects Bob Casey and Jim Webb agree with the priorities of party leadership? Can the Democrats unite on an Iraq policy? Will new Democrats stand by an already controversial Speaker of the House Pelosi when she makes her first mistake?
In two years, Democrats can have either united together to form a strong front for 2008 or be lying bloodied in the street like Danny in "Real World: Texas."
I'm not sure that life mirrors art, but I do know that the news is turning political coverage into prime-time television shows. Sometimes, it's difficult to tell if you are watching a political story about Arnold Schwarzenegger or if it is "Terminator" on TV.
So get prepared to meet a new cast of characters to join many of your old favorites as the political saga in the news continues.
Craig G. Kunkes is a senior majoring in political science.
