Whether you would like to admit it or not, we all fear the end.
Everything has an end, whether it is a relationship, a homework assignment, a school year or a life. No matter how hard we try to accept that the end may be near, it is never really real until it is upon us.
Being that this is the last installment of "Phobiaphiles," this topic seems particularly appropriate. Personally, the thing that I most fear "ending" is school. Since the beginning of my life (and most of yours, I am sure) school has been there as a rigid skeleton for my existence. Other things in your life that may be going wrong are always easy to ignore if you have three papers and a presentation due within the next week. I am sure there is someone out in the world who agrees with me.
School, for me, functions as a mask obscuring all the slight inadequacies and deficiencies I might have. In the long run, a chemistry or econ test mean relatively nothing, but scoring well makes us feel accomplished and proud. I am afraid that, someday, this easy way out of any issue I have might not be around, and, for once, I may be judged on a real-life scale instead of the utopia that is school.
You might have had fleeting feelings of endophobia when you graduated high school: You will never again be a "high schooler," and never again will you be able to romp in the fields of immature teenage bliss. Obviously, none of us want to go back to high school. No way, Jos?©. But what was that feeling of leaving something behind? Of closing such an important door in your life?
I've noticed that, generally, in looking at the past, there are three different perspectives:
1. The Mourner: Quite possibly some of the most depressing people to be around, mourners practically live in the past. They fear the end of any activity, but at the same time, they relish in it.
They are the ones most likely to publish Facebook.com albums featuring their childhood or their past high school experiences, making everyone in the albums who happens to have lost touch feel guilty. Sometimes, these pictures will serve as a slap in the face to friends who have suffered a falling out, or relationships that have ended.
For example, a girl publishes an album which features pictures of her and her previous boyfriends hugging and engaging in other nostalgic activity. Another girl may publish an album including a picture of her and her ex-best friend laughing together. These sorts of pictures are sure to make people think about all the wrong things. Still can't imagine anyone who would fit these criteria? Have you ever been around someone who incessantly talks about cartoons from their childhood, like "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" or "The Adventures of Pete and Pete"? Definite mourner.
2. Optimists: The basis of this group is the essential ignorance of the past. While some may argue that they learn from their past mistakes, we all know that this phenomenon does not necessarily play out in reality. Because this group includes such a wide variety of people, it is necessary to divide it into two different groups.
a. The Hedonist: Hedonists are individuals who live solely in the present. They are unlikely to begin a paper until the hour before it is due; they skip class altogether; they go to parties the night before exams. In many cases, these people have trouble remembering the night before, let alone several years ago. This is not to say that hedonists are not good people, or that they are unsuccessful.
Au contraire: Many times, their ignorance serves them well while others cry over past hardships. Hedonists have no problem "just moving on with their lives" and have no issues dealing with difficult times.
b. The Futurist: The exact opposite of a mourner, a futurist cares about little other than his or her future. They live their present lives because of what it means for their future, and they talk about their past as having been a "lesson" from which to learn. While this seems like the most successful way of living, futurists can sometimes be very selfish and completely miss something vitally important happening before their very eyes.
3. The Indifferent: Commonly mistaken for a hedonist, an indifferent does not care one way or another. He or she does not particularly enjoy the present, the future or the past. Something ending just means the end of something crappy. Something beginning just means the beginning of something crappy. No matter what happens, life just comes at you with one lemon after another. These people are not necessarily pessimists. They can be, but for the most part, they just don't consider what it means to be ending something or beginning something else. To indifferents, ignorance is bliss.
Because everything eventually ends, fearing it is irrational. Sometimes it is more effective to look at a particular situation with a mix of perspectives. For instance, in a relationship, a hedonist perspective can prove destructive, a futurist perspective clingy, a mourner annoying and an indifferent ... well ... indifferent.
The truth is that we look at every situation that comes our way with a different perspective. If there is anything I'd like to leave you with, it's that: perspective. Although my column may seem wildly exaggerated at times, it's only because, to a phobic, fear turns every lizard into a dinosaur and every tear into an ocean. When possible, empathize.
While a fear of balloons or pregnancy may seem irrational, don't you flinch, too, when a balloon pops? There is no such thing as an irrational fear, only irrational perspectives.
