The subject of this week's rant is "American Idol." Now, before you go saying, "Devin, you're five years too late" or "That's like shooting fish in a barrel," I give this retort: "American Idol" is like AIDS. Just because it has been around for a while and everyone knows it's bad doesn't mean it's not a problem anymore.
Yes, yes, I know. One of the things under discussion is a dumb reality show and the other is a terrible worldwide epidemic that has killed over 25 million people. But I am a pop culture columnist. To me, there is no difference. Humor me.
So, aside from the obvious answers of "It sucks," "My roommate will not turn it off," and "Kelly Clarkson," why do I hate this show with such an extraordinary passion?
Why does it infuriate me more than any other program on the air? Because, even though I would rather clean the dishes at Carmichael with my tongue than watch a "Lost" or "Grey's Anatomy" marathon, at least these dramas have left society relatively unscathed. "American Idol," on the other hand, is destroying television.
Think for a second. Think of every "American Idol" rip-off that has come around in the past few years. "So You Think You Can Dance." "America's Next Top Model." There was even a superhero one last summer. All of these shows were given money and air time. Money and air time that was taken away from other shows that may have been clever or, God forbid, creative. Why? Because the "American Idol" formula is such an enticing one for television executives. It's easy and cheap to make and, at the end of the day, it is a far safer bet to draw in the masses than a show that requires brainpower.
So, why now? What is making this idea haunt me this week among all weeks? Simple: this coming Saturday marks the one year anniversary of the airing of the last episodes of "Arrested Development." All I can think of is this: what if there were no "American Idol?" What if Fox knew that if they cancelled "Arrested Development," they would have to fill that spot with another show that required writers and actors and at least the slightest bit of thought? What if "Reality Talent Show no. 578" was not an option to fill that half hour?
Let's take this week to have a moment of silence for all the victims of "AI." All the shows that were killed before their time because they had not drawn in viewers fast enough. Not to mention all the shows that never even made it to the air where they may have stood a better chance a decade ago. Take a few seconds to pause for the next potential "Seinfeld," "All in the Family" or "Simpsons" that never made it past the embryonic state.
What do I want to get out of this column? Do I want you to destroy your roommate's television if he or she turns on "American Idol?" No. Do I want the entire Tufts student population to storm the Fox studios and demand that this tripe be taken off the airwaves? That would be amazing, but I am in no way expecting it. All I am asking is that you realize what you are doing when you touch that remote. Every show you watch is a vote for 10 shows just like it.
You are voting for 10 shows of homogenized, uninteresting, non-offending characters. These are characters that, at their craziest, perhaps make a funny face or play a third-grade-level prank on someone. You are voting for 10 programs that, at their center, are Hollywood telling us that they have complete control over what we will watch, what we will enjoy, and what we will consume.
We do not choose the "next American Idol." We have only the illusion of free will. We are forced to pick between a mere 24 finalists who have already been scrutinized, cleaned up and All-American-ized by those in power.
Ponder that for a moment and then ask yourself this: is all the power really in our tolled phone calls and text messages? Or are we simply playing into the hands of the proverbial "man"?
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the true danger of "American Idol." Every commercial for it is a taunt by the media that they control what will make us happy. Every Clay Aiken or Carrie Underwood album on iTunes is a flag of victory impaled into the corpses of quality television. Every successive season is another wave eroding at the creativity and individuality of entertainment.
Remember folks, whether you're sitting down in front of the television to eat, procrastinate or just relax, you should watch with care. Your choices can have grave consequences on the future. Just ask the Bluths.
