This week we tackle an issue near and dear to my heart: race, or at least the more confusing and awkward elements of racial construction. You see, a lot of people are confounded by my true identity, because I'm what you might call ethnically ambiguous. I took an Asian-American studies class freshman year and at the end of the semester two Asian girls in my class asked me, "You're Filipino, right?"
I've been mistaken for Hispanic, Indian and Middle-Eastern. When I worked as a busboy in middle school, the Mexicans working at the restaurant just assumed I was Mexican too because I had a "cara Mexicana" (Mexican face).
It's been such an ongoing struggle trying to convince people I'm actually an Eastern-European Jew that I've decided to just sort of roll with my chameleon status.
Sometimes when I'm giving ID cards back while working at the gym I get a little discombobulated. Certain cards are in the wrong place or I hear Batack instead of Patack.
It happens. But numerous times when I've had trouble, I've had patrons say to me, "I'm probably the only black person in the pile."
Once, in order to show there was actually greater diversity than one may think, I said, "Actually there are about four others in here right now." To which he replied, "Well, I guess we all look alike to you, huh?"
It's funny how two people with a similar background can have such different experiences depending on where they grow up.
When my friend Lainey and I were talking about our Bar and Bat Mitzvahs my freshman year, I asked her what her theme was.
She looked confused. I explained, "Y'know, the theme of the party. Like, softball or music or fashion." She quipped back, "I guess my theme was reading the Torah." Who would have thought that Wyoming has a better grasp on Judaism than North Jersey?
There are some racists out there who are just bad at what they do. They'll say things like, "Those Mexicans are so damn lazy." And then the next day they'll complain about how the "Mexicans are taking all of our jobs." Well, which one is it? Because if they're taking our jobs it seems to me that they're working pretty damn hard.
My white friend Ben was at a party a few years ago when a black friend of his, Jeff, showed up and brought another guest. The guest introduced himself as Jeff's brother. Ben thought it was really great since he had never met any of Jeff's family.
Since he didn't know much about Jeff's upbringing he kept asking Jeff's brother questions about growing up in their family. The guy seemed confused but went with it for most of the night until Ben asked, "Wait, are you his older or younger brother?" to which the guest replied, "No, man. I'm his brutha, not his brother." Minor miscommunication and lack of coolness from white guys can cause a lot of confusion.
Remember the cartoon Doug, and how Doug's best friend Skeeter had blue skin, but almost everyone else was white? What was up with that? Was he supposed to be a black character? I don't understand what the creators were trying to do there. I mean, why couldn't they just come out and say it? Take The Simpsons, for instance. They've got Carl, Homer's black buddy, and Dr. Hibbert, the prominent black counterpart to that white quack Dr. Nick.
Come on, Nickelodeon. You're supposed to be promoting positive representations. FOX is the one who's supposed to drop the ball.
Through the years I've come to the conclusion that mixed race babies are the cutest out of the entire baby population. They also grow into the most attractive adolescents and adults.
It's just a fact. Look it up. Historically, marrying too close to one's own bloodline has produced genetic defects and ugly people (see: British Royal Family).
So here's my proposed solution: America provides an incentive program for marrying outside one's own race. There will be an iPod given away to every couple that intermarries in the next decade.
It should be easy. Remember: opposites attract. I think this is a necessary program - if not for a building of tolerance, then at least for the attractiveness of our population, a problem with which Tufts students claim to be all too familiar.
Neil Padover is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached at neil.padover@tufts.edu.
