It's a well-known fact that America's best athletes don't play soccer. At some point along the line, kids, once in love with youth soccer, realize that to get on SportsCenter more than once every four years, they're going to have to switch sports. So futbol continues to play second fiddle to football.
All this got me thinking: what if America's best athletes did play professional soccer on the highest level? What would such a team look like? Check out this starting eleven:
Goalkeeper: Kevin Garnett, Minnesota Timberwolves, power forward. This is an easy pick. KG is 6'11". An eight-foot by 24-foot goal is a whole lot easier to guard when you have a seven-foot wingspan. Plus, I have to be honest, if I were a forward running towards KG with the ball, watching him stare me down, I'd make sure I never went into the penalty box.
Centerbacks: LeBron James, Cleveland Cavaliers, shooting guard; Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat, shooting guard. The only flaw in these picks might be foot speed. Still, LeBron and D-Wade are two of the most athletic guys in the NBA. LeBron also was a star wide receiver in high school, so I'm not too concerned. Plus, size and physicality are more important when dealing with center defenders, and two guys over 6'6" with incredible athleticism should be perfect.
Wing Defenders: Champ Bailey, Denver Broncos, cornerback; Asante Samuel, New England Patriots, cornerback. I chose two of the NFL's best cover corners to play defense on the outside because playing corner in the NFL seems like great preparation for covering soccer's fastest forwards. Plus, Samuel's dreads give the team some flavor, which every good soccer team needs.
Attacking/Defending Midfielder: Allen Iverson, Philadelphia 76ers, shooting guard; Ed Reed, Baltimore Ravens, safety. Every time I watch Iverson cross up an unwitting defender, my reaction goes something like this. Step One: giggle like a seventh-grade girl who just got asked to the school dance by her crush. Step Two: Marvel at how a 6'0, 165-pound player can dominate the NBA. Iverson would be perfect for breaking down an opposing defense and distributing the ball to his forwards. Reed is the NFL's best safety. He's got great ball-reading instincts, and should be able to read other midfielders like he reads a quarterback.
Wing Midfielders: Michael Vick, Atlanta Falcons, Quarterback; LaDainian Tomlinson, San Diego Chargers, Running Back. These two were no-brainers. Vick and Tomlinson can do anything athletically except fly, and to be honest, I wouldn't be that surprised if they pulled that trick out of the bag.
Forwards: Randy Moss, Oakland Raiders, Wide Receiver; Shawn Marion, Phoenix Suns, forward. Marion's nickname is The Matrix because of the things he can do on the basketball court. He's fast, and his incredible vertical leap would make him a terror on headers. Moss is just a burner. When he wants to be, he's the best receiver in the NFL. If the team can live with his occasional lapses in concentration, his speed and jumping ability would make for quite a forward.
So with all due respect to Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey, and Freddy Adu, this lineup (provided that all of the players had years of soccer training) would be unbeatable. Imagine Cristiano Ronaldo trying to take a dive against LeBron. That'd be the last mistake he'd ever make.
Soccer fans, enjoy this fantasy while you can, because when you tune into the MLS, you're watching an inferior brand of the American athlete. At the very least, it's fun to think about.
Will Herberich is a freshman. He can be reached at William.Herberich@tufts.edu.
