So it seems that Bill Richardson, the current governor of New Mexico and a Jumbo alum, wasn't drafted by the Kansas City A's in 1966. I guess he should probably drop out of the race now, 'cause he can kiss his bid for the White House goodbye.
In the grand tradition of Woodward and Bernstein, reporters discovered that the Governor and one time Tufts pitcher was never officially drafted by the team that later moved to Oakland, a claim Richardson has often promoted. Now voters must judge his presidential potential with the boring credentials of his time as a U.S. Secretary of Energy, a U.S. Ambassador to the U.N., a two-term governor, blah, blah, blah.
Americans don't want a "qualified" individual in office; they want someone who can belt homeruns and do one-arm pushups. Think about it: why do you think George W. Bush got elected? Because Al Gore was a nerd and John Kerry windsurfs. Please, Kerry should have just strapped on a tutu after that debacle, and Al Gore can keep his Oscar and his environmental crusade - Bush ran the Texas Rangers, and that's a legacy that will never be forgotten. But history will certainly judge that the biggest mistake of his life was not signing Sammy Sosa when he had the chance.
The athlete factor is a tried and tested means of choosing a president, and it's almost always accurate. A good athlete makes a good president, end of story. Even William Howard Taft - all 350 pounds of him - was a wrestler, avid golfer and the first U.S. president to throw out a ceremonial pitch at a baseball game ... even if he couldn't fit into the White House tub. We still have him to thank for the income tax as it appears today. Yep, sports and politics just seem to go together like Iraq and weapons of mass destruction. But Taft is just one of the many presidential athletes that have graced the White House.
Eisenhower had a putting green installed on the White House grounds. Gerald Ford, unlike Bill Richardson, actually refused contract offers from the Detroit Lions and the Green Bay Packers after his successful seasons as a center and linebacker for the University of Michigan. Before Teddy Roosevelt was fighting lions with his bare hands, he took up boxing as a youth to improve his health and his weak physical conditioning.
And even if they weren't athletic in the traditional sense, we all know the great ones had talent. (Thomas Jefferson, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln would have made one heluva backcourt.) But it's not just in the Oval Office where we find political sportsmen. Jack Kemp was a successful quarterback in the AFL before he made the jump to the House of Representatives and later ran for Vice President alongside Bob Dole. Even former Pittsburgh Steelers' All-Star wide receiver Lynn Swann strode into the political maelstrom when he made an unsuccessful bid for Governor of Pennsylvania in 2006.
Of course, it's not always foolproof. Richard Nixon threw like a girl and Franklin Pierce couldn't bowl a strike if his life depended on it; yet both some how slipped through and got themselves elected.
When you think about it, sports and politics really aren't that dissimilar. The French Revolution was brewed on a tennis court; social integration and Civil Rights in the United States found one avenue through baseball; and we all know that Reagan's demand for Mr. Gorbachev to tear down his wall was made possible by the Miracle on Ice seven years earlier when the wheels of the Soviet machine starting falling off on the world stage.
So since we're starting this year's election so early, let's just decide it now. We'll take a note from Billy Madison and have ourselves a presidential decathlon. Candidates will be judged on various skills, from presidential penmanship and speechmaking to a 40-yard dash and a round of knockout. It would certainly even the playing field. John McCain might have significantly more political experience than Mitt Romney, but pit the two in a best-of-seven arm wrestling contest and I like the Roarin' Mormon's chances.
When the elections finally roll around, let's forget the extraneous stuff. Solutions for healthcare and education and Iraq don't impress me. And I don't care what the pundits say. Actions speak louder than words, and I hear Hillary is an animal in a pair of flats and a sports bra. Better start doing some jumping jacks, Obama.
Andrew Bauld is a senior majoring in English and political science. He can be reached at andrew.bauld@tufts.edu.
