Her name is Samantha Snitow. I, like most Tufts students, do not know her at all; nor, presumably, does she know me. However, she seems to think me some sort of barbarian. In turn, I tend to view her as a figure of irony.
Samantha Snitow works in our very own burgeoning Tufts administration as an Alumnae Relations Officer. One of her duties is to organize the senior dinner. The irony came into our infant relationship when she disregarded the laws of etiquette by taking it upon herself to educate her fellow adults on the most basic of these laws. Her poorly thought-out lesson arrived in an e-mail to seniors conveying their invitations to the senior dinner. I have reproduced the offending passage:
"Cell phones should be turned off or set to vibrate mode before entering the President's House. Below are five tips for making the most of your senior dinner:
1. Enter enthusiastically and with a smile. Greet people with a firm handshake and establish eye contact. Be sure to thank the Bacows for hosting you.
2. Engage alumni in conversation by introducing yourself and asking thoughtful questions. Take note of the "Ask me about" buttons being worn by alumni. Avoid only talking to your friends - use this time to meet and mingle.
3. Appropriate gestures and active listening are important! Remember your body language demonstrates how engaged you are in the conversation.
4. Move around the room. Join groups in conversation or create your own group by approaching alumni not engaged in conversation.
5. Follow-up with "thank you" notes to alumni who offered helpful information at the senior dinner. Reconnecting and staying in touch are the keys to networking success."
I was offended by the absurd level of condescension evident here, and so I responded to her with the following e-mail:
"Dear Samantha,
Thank you for my invitation to a senior dinner. In the e-mail you sent to confirm my attendance, you included "five tips for making the most of your senior dinner". Pursuant to this, I have decided - by way of congenial reciprocity - to present for your perusal my three tips for inviting your fellow adults to a dinner party:
1. Do not infantilize your guests. Guests you invite to dinner parties should be treated as equals, or not invited at all.
2. Assume that your guests understand the common laws of courtesy. These include thanking hosts, shaking hands, and smiling.
3. As hard as it is to believe, the president of a university is not a head of state. Thus, you do not need to capitalize the common noun referring to his domicile, as in "President's House," (sic) or even his title when it does not precede his name. "Gifford House" is a
proper noun, and thus "House" is capitalized in this context.
If you have any further questions about these topics, or anything at all, please do not hesitate to email me back. Otherwise, I hope the rest of the semester proceeds pleasantly for you."
I received no reply to this e-mail, and have since learned that she still resends her "five tips" to seniors on the eve of their dinners.
Courtesy is fundamentally a system that outlines appropriate behavior for respectfully treating one's equals as equals. Thus, when medieval knights - otherwise paragons of chivalric comportment - mistreated their serfs, it was not that they lacked courtesy, but rather that they did not consider such individuals as equals. Likewise, antebellum Southern gentlemen were also known for their rigorous adherence to the laws of courtesy, their cruelty to their slaves notwithstanding. Likewise explorers to natives, British gentlemen to the British poor, Nazis to virtually everyone else, etc.
In our modern liberal environment, we tend to consider all adults as equals - at least on the basic level in which courtesy operates. However, Snitow does not seem to agree with this concept; in assuming that we do not understand how to do perform the basic operations of human interaction (shaking hands, conversing and making eye contact) she reveals her assumption that we are not really equals at all. Indeed, one could go further and say that - in this day and age and place - if we did not understand how to do these things then we would be savages.
This brings us to the inherent contradiction in Snitow's madcap campaign of contemptible communications. For if we are savages, as she implies, why teach us courtesy? After all, feudal Lords made no attempt to do so with their serfs.
By sending these e-mails to most of the senior class of this year, and presumably also in years past, Samantha Snitow has managed to insult thousands of people. I brought this matter out of the realm of private communication and into the public discourse for two reasons. The first is to urge to more strongly to desist from these actions. Though my private appeal seems to have fallen upon deaf ears, she is most likely not an intentionally malicious person, and I do hope she realizes the implications of her actions before her infamy approaches Anne Coulter-like proportions. The second is that I want anyone reading this who has felt slighted to know that they are not alone in this feeling.
So, student readers, have a very nice day, and make sure you bring a warm coat to class, because it's awfully cold out there (but don't wipe your runny noses on your sleeves).
Frank Curren is a senior majoring in history and English.
