Facebook.com marriage. How can something that seems so innocent, so trivial, so utterly minute and frivolous, have so much baggage, complexities and societal implications around it?
Want me to elaborate? Well, I guess I have to or else this would be the shortest column ever. In the words of Rod Serling, consider this: when you Facebook marry someone, you are more or less declaring that they are your best friend (with a few exceptions, but that shall be addressed later). Therefore, any change to the marriage could be considered a change to your status as friends. Or, refusal to marry could also pose a problem.
So, what do you do if you were a fool who rushed in and married in freshman year? You remember freshman year, right? Where you made a great group of your bestest friends ever ... only to realize a short while later that maybe they aren't the people with whom you want to spend the next four years in matrimonial Internet bondage. Remember that?
So what happens when it's the middle of sophomore year, and a new friend wants to get married to you? Turning him or her down would be a slap in the face to a dear comrade in order to honor someone who you talk to about once every two weeks. But accepting his or her offer could lead to severe awkwardness if you were to run into your former Facebook husband/wife later on. A friend of mine is currently facing this dilemma.
As for me, I recently entered a relationship ... except Facebook would never tell you this. Why? Because I got married last April and have remained happily so to this very day. In fact, I even go as far as to affectionately call the lucky girl my wife whenever I talk to her. To end our bliss for some hussy would be inconceivable - and could totally change the course of our friendship. Thankfully, the hussy understands. But would everyone be so lucky?
And then of course, there are the questions of proper etiquette for our fake college marriages. Can you marry someone of the gender you are attracted to and still maintain that your relationship is purely platonic? If a straight guy and straight girl or two lesbians are married, can you be really sure that they're merely just joking about it on Facebook? What about a straight guy and a gay guy? I don't know about you guys, but that marriage would definitely lead me to question how "hetero" that guy actually is.
And then, naturally, there is the question of two people who are actually in a relationship. Am I the only person who would find their being married or even engaged overly cutesy? Part of my soul would vomit whenever I saw them together. My poor mind would not be able to get over the cyber-space PDA between the two.
But it would not be fair of me to give this whole argument against Facebook marriage without giving the counterpoint. I mean, I am married after all. To begin with, Facebook marriages have actually helped quite a few people out in the relationship field. How? Well, I'm sure most people have been in or are at least familiar with the period when you've been seeing someone for a bit, but at the same time do not know if you're actually in a relationship or not.
Once again, Facebook can mess up your life. If your status were "single" and you left it as such, the other party may feel slighted or afraid to make a further move since it would appear that you are not interested. However, you do not want to come off as presumptuous and request a relationship or even just remove the "single" status. So, you find yourself in a pickle.
However, when in a marriage, you do not need to worry about any of that. You simply stay in that marriage and wait to talk about the whole issue in person ... just like people used to do back in the 20th century. It's very retro chic.
And, of course, there is also the simple value of the union itself. Being Facebook married, despite all of its baggage and fine print, is a fun way to take the next step in a friendship. It can be quirky and add a little extra spice to your every day life. Like I said, my wife and I are very happily married. We're even having an anniversary party in a few weeks. Because, really, when isn't it a good time to eat cake and have people give us gifts?
And those are just a few worms of the whole can that is Facebook marriage. It's small, it's trivial, but you would be surprised by how often all these tiny little facets come into play in our everyday college life. Friendships are built and destroyed through a few clicks of a button.
As for "it's complicated" ... let's just say that I try not to associate with those types of people.
