First of all, I just want to say I've had a great time writing this column this year. It's been a pleasure getting to share some of my own, as well as friends' awkward experiences with you - almost as fun as actually going through them.
As this is the Commencement issue, I'm sure there are probably a good amount of parents reading this wondering what I'm talking about. Let me break it down for you: every week for the past two semesters I have exposed the trials and tribulations of what I call "The Awkward Generation." Sure, we may not have fought through World War II or lived through the Civil Rights Movement, but sometimes text messaging the wrong person by mistake can be just as traumatizing. Maybe I'm reaching a little.
Anyway, it's graduation, a time to look forward, not backward. With that said, a lot of the parents reading this are probably wondering exactly how $160,000 worth of knowledge is holding up in their little graduate's heads. I can't speak for the rest of my classmates, but personally, Tufts has been an eye-opening experience for me in many ways. Here are some of the things I've learned:
WOMEN
First of all, I've learned that women are still an enigma. I won't figure out what's going on in their minds no matter how many issues of Seventeen I read (for strictly educational purposes, of course). I have learned, however, that women like compliments.
Unfortunately they can't be "qualified" compliments. For example, my friend once approached a girl and whispered to her, "You're the best-looking blonde at this party," to which she freaked out and explained that there was only one other blonde girl there. Hey, at least he was trying. I swear, if you tell a girl she's the most gorgeous woman on earth, she'll worry that you're fooling around with someone on Mars.
HEALTHY LIVING
Rest assured that your children are receiving the highest quality healthcare that Tufts has to offer. The medical professionals at Health Services have assured me numerous times that any and every illness students show up with is "just viral" and can be treated if they would just "get some rest" and "drink plenty of fluids." I think that's really the secret to the whole medical field ... unless you're pregnant. I don't think that's viral.
EXTRACURRICULARS
Over the past four years I've found that there are plenty of ways to get involved at Tufts and so many great people to work with and learn from. Like last week I got to watch "Scrubs"' gifted doctor J.D. try to get over Elliot's engagement and still make time for patients. Then there's the great memory of cheering on Ari Gold in "Entourage" as he tried to win back Vince as his client. And of course, who could forget Jack Bauer's endless efforts to keep CTU and America safe. Oh yeah, I was in the investment club once ... for like a week.
STUDYING
One of my favorite stories about college came from my great-Aunt Blanche in discussing my second-cousin Kenny's experience. The way she tells it, she used to always call Kenny's dorm room (remember, there were no cell phones in the early '90s) and he was never around. She was worried at first, but Kenny's roommate would always assure her that he was at the library. Anytime she would call, morning, afternoon or night, if Kenny wasn't around, it was because he was busy at the library. Even though they didn't talk much that first year, my Aunt Blanche was ecstatic that her son was taking his academic career so seriously. It was only when they came to pick Kenny up at the end of the year that his parents learned "The Library" was actually a small bar downtown from his school.
PARENTAL INVOLVMENT
When I was on Tufts' Senate my sophomore year I remember a senator telling a story about how a mother approached President Bacow and expressed her horror that there were no paper towels in her child's dorm bathroom. Lo and behold, days later paper towels magically appeared. I guess what I'm trying to say to my parents, to all parents is "thanks." You've been there for us through the entire process, to grease the wheels when sometimes we couldn't do it ourselves. You've assured us that even though we're technically legal adults, you will still go out of your way time and time again to make sure we're safe and happy. I think my only regret is that the mother asked for paper towels instead of a Jacuzzi.
Neil Padover is a senior majoring in English. He can be reached neil.padover@tufts.edu.
