Reflecting on time

For my Holistic Formation class at Boston College, we read a series of articles. Two of these articles were on the subject of time. One was written by Janet Ruffing for Pneuma (a journal on spiritual direction and formation for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada). The other was by Judith Shulevitz who has written the Close Reader column for The New York Times Book Review. Both these articles resonated with me because at this point in time, I'm not doing very well with time. I have been constantly racing from one thing to another at Tufts, at BC and to this, that, or another place. It's always something. I'm speeding down the highway of life at what seems to be 200 miles an hour. At this point, I just want to shout, "Enough of this already! ENOUGH!" Ruffing discusses what she calls "the demon of busyness." Her definition of busyness is that it's a "state of mind and a habit of the heart rather than merely a result of the number of tasks to be accomplished in any specific unit of time ... this love of busyness is profoundly destructive to self-intimacy, intimacy with God, reflective thought, interrelationships, the social fabric of our society, our care for the planet and our own psychological and physical health." OK, I admit it - I've got this demon of busyness. But, no way do I love being busy - not this busy! Racing against the clock has become a fact of my present life. I am busy being busy with little time to relax, enjoy relationships and take time for spiritual reflection. How did I get myself into this situation? Maybe you see yourself in a similar situation. When I am busy do I see myself as achieving something useful? Worthwhile? Am I afraid of wasting time? Our culture certainly supports keeping busy and not wasting time. In her article, Shulevitz says our relationship to work is out of whack. I feel like I'm both divided and distracted - in mind and in heart. Shulevitz says it is within our power to hold this wackiness at bay. But I don't see a way out of my situation - at least not presently. What do I really want? I want to experience being centered, relaxed and present - rejoicing as my day unfolds and welcoming each person I meet as well as welcoming myself. I want time to reflect and distance myself from daily demands rather than constantly being in the grip of what Ruffing calls "compulsive busyness." Christian tradition talks of focusing one's internal energies and consciousness on the deeper reality underlying the present moment. I agree with Ruffing that our culture has an addiction to busyness and the answer lies in harnessing an environment that allows us self-observation and to notice the distractions that are self-generated and the distractions that are externally generated. This has to become a habit of the heart. To find God in all of this involves developing attentiveness. Ruffing calls this the "quality of presence in the present that is aware of all that is really there." I miss this if I continue to allow the busyness to control me. There is a wonderful quote in Shulevitz's article from Rabbi Elijah of Vilna that all of us need to stop and ponder when it comes to time and "compulsive busyness": "God stopped to show us that what we create becomes meaningful to us only once we stop creating it and start to think about why we did so ... We have to remember to stop because we have to stop to remember." This speaks volumes about time and how we - and I - use it. It has to become a way of thinking and a habit of the heart.Ann Penick is the Associate Catholic Chaplain at Tufts University.