In the search for the answer to the immortal question of "what are you going to do with your life?" pop culture's status as friend or foe is up in the air. At the very least, it is a constant companion. Throughout childhood, everyone picks their future careers on their favorite movie or TV show at the time. Usually, and quite tragically, we find out that these dream jobs are unattainable, unrealistic or non-existent. While you might never be able to fulfill the dream of becoming an astronaut or the President of the United States, hopefully your appreciation for what inspired the ambition remains. In that spirit, here are the top 10 professional goals that would have graced our sixth-grade r?©sum?©s- and the pop culture that motivated them.
10) Archaeologist after "Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark" (1981) - For an archaeologist, Indiana Jones spends very little time actually looking at artifacts and a whole lot of time whipping Nazis. Whenever Indy did find a relic, it wasn't a broken shard of pottery, but something more along the lines of the Holy Grail. It was only a matter of time before we discovered that archaeology was actually boring and that, unfortunately, we weren't Harrison Ford.
9) Physicist after "Back to the Future" (1985) - Something tells us that this isn't the most scientifically plausible movie. But it sure made physics sound easy - all you need for time travel is a flux capacitor and a DeLorean! Duh! Of course, while Doc is lovable and eccentric, real physics is a harsh and unforgiving tangle of numbers and theories. No matter how cool time travel is, it doesn't match the amount of work needed to get a degree in physics.
8) Raptor wrangler after "Jurassic Park" (1993) - Along with Ghostbusters, Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a raptor wrangler falls into the category of jobs that were really cool and that every '80s child wanted, but didn't really exist. The raptor wrangler in question is Robert Muldoon (Bob Peck), the Australian with the awesome hat who never lost his cool, even when being eaten by dinosaurs.
7) Jedi after "Star Wars" (1977) - Initially, this might seem to fall under the previous category of jobs that don't really exist; however, it wouldn't be hard making a living at comic conventions with a "Star Wars" themed booth. On-the-job hazards would include onset of a psychotic condition under which you believe you possess Jedi mind powers and gaining 300 pounds from fast food consumption and lack of physical activity. While "Star Wars" is cool and all, it isn't that cool.
6) Baseball player after "Rookie of the Year" (1993), "The Sandlot" (1993) and "Little Big League" (1994) - The years 1993 and 1994 will always be remembered as the golden age of kids' sports movies, with these three baseball classics leading the pack. While they may have inspired a little extra hustle in a couple of little league practices, the dream of being a baseball player quickly dissipated after you realized you had to be good at baseball to get into the MLB.
5) Writer after "The Shining" (1980) - Sure, Jack gets a little out of control in this one, but that doesn't negate the fact that he gets a hotel all to himself for a winter. What other job comes with that kind of perk? We weren't turned off from being writers by the depiction of psychotic writer's block or the subsequent breakdown; the decision came later after reading Phillip Roth, who makes writing sound like such an ordeal.
4) Nuclear Engineer after "The Simpsons" - If you'd never seen "The Simpsons" you might think that working in a nuclear plant would be a tough job. On the contrary, Homer rarely works, has caused meltdowns, and doesn't even really know what he's doing, but he still has a job. This also is to say nothing of all Homer's part-time jobs, like being a Grammy winner or astronaut.
3) Guitar god after "Guitar Hero" - The genius of this game is to make you forget that you're playing a videogame, thus fostering false hopes that you can actually play the guitar. There have probably been a fair number of bands launched across the country for the sole reason that they beat "Freebird" on expert. Sadly, the real guitar has more than five buttons you have to press.
2) Fighter pilot after "Top Gun" (1986) - After movies like "Top Gun," which usually de-emphasize the fact that you might die or kill someone in the military, the armed forces look like a promising career path filled with volleyball and Kenny Loggins tunes. We decided we weren't fit for a career serving Uncle Sam after it became clear that the "Danger Zone" would actually be more like Baghdad's "Green Zone."
1) Newspaper reporter after "Superman" (1978) - Trust us, it's not as glamorous as Clark Kent makes it out to be.
-by Gregory Connor
