The buzz surrounding the Daily's new sex column, "Just the Tip," has been unmistakable: Lara Levi's treatise on blowjobs has spurred discussion around campus ranging from the seemingly innocuous conversations on oral sex to a deeper debate over societal gender roles. The column itself speaks volumes about the role women are "supposed" to play in the bedroom, reinforcing wider ideas shared by men and women both on the Tufts campus and beyond.
Levi's viewpoint, which she chose to be her grand entrance into her stint as the Daily sex columnist, sent the following message: Women should be "considerate" of the importance of blowjobs to men. They should be proud when they have mastered the art of fellatio, a time-honored tradition of service to men. Who doesn't want to give good head?
In our society, it seems that the ability to bring a man to orgasm becomes a measure of a woman's success as a sexual partner, and carries into her value a sexual partner. Society seems to privilege the male orgasm as a physiological need, while a woman's sexual desires remain simply those - desires. This subordination of women's wants and needs to those of men follows us out of the bedroom and into our social lives, classrooms, and workplaces.
Levi almost gets it right when she tells her readers that they should only have a guy in their bed if they want them there. She misses one key point, however: you can take someone back to your room, invite them into your bed, and have no intention of giving them a blowjob, letting them put their hand up your shirt, or anything else. Women and men alike have sexual boundaries, and they should be honored. A mutually beneficial sexual experience results from doing what both partners desire - not from doing what is expected of each partner separately.
Again, Levi is almost on the right track when she writes that "attitude is everything." The way that women and men think and talk about their sexual experiences reveals much about their personal insecurities and feelings, as well as socialized understandings of sex. Levi reveals a frightening power dynamic through her equation of penis with "manliness" and "authority," putting the woman giving the blowjob in a position of service to this manly power. Is that what it's about?
Levi opines that it is important to know "when to talk and when to tongue," but this is not a new revelation on her part; women have long been educated in the art of knowing when to speak and when to stay silent, but women have definitely moved beyond the oppressive advice of "don't speak unless spoken to."
Staring up at a man and flashing eyes full of desire and innocence might be a surefire turn-on, but if what a woman really wants to do is ask, "Does what I'm doing feel good?" or, "Do you think we could take a break?" or, "Can this wait a minute? I have to pee," then that's what she should say! By all means, show desire, strut your stuff, be generous and considerate - but make sure it's for your partner and yourself. It takes two to tango, and you are half of that partnership. Act accordingly.
The Tufts community should feel grateful to have a forum in which they can discuss sex and all that comes with it. On the same note, we should feel a responsibility to think critically about our choice of words and the power dynamics it reveals about sex in our society. Much of the Tufts community's response has been overwhelmingly interesting and full of depth. We feel compelled, however, to mention one letter that stands out. Juan Lois' letter to the editor regarding Levi's column falls far short of critical thinking, instead attacking Levi's own agency (Sept. 26).
By commanding her to "stop thinking about penises and...consult her mother, who clearly failed to educate her daughter on proper social norms," Lois puts women in the same place as Levi does: squarely at the bottom of the gender hierarchy. In saying this, he is claiming that a woman who is old enough to be a college student is not responsible for her own ideas and actions. Under the surface, the social norms Lois is promoting are ones of patriarchy, limited thought and expression, and shame.
And by the way, we think it would be great if the next Daily were filled with articles on how to "lick a woman's vagina," if the moral of the story is an equal, shared, consensual, safe and exciting experience for both the readers of the column and the followers of Levi's future advice.
Liz Fusco is a junior majoring in peace and justice studies. Betsy Aronson is a junior majoring in international relations.
