As the front page of this newspaper announced last week, Davis Square has recently been infiltrated by a branch of Chipotle Mexican Grill, a national restaurant chain.
Before you rush out to patronize this eatery - whether it's your first time or your 1,000th - I ask you to consider the following question: Why, in heaven or hell, would Davis Square need another burrito shop when it already has Anna's Taqueria?
We at Tufts have been blessed by the easy availability of one of America's - if not the world's - finest burritos. They are low-cost, they are speedily-made and by God, they are delicious. So I ask you again: Why, in the name of the almighty, do we need a Chipotle?
The answer, I assert, is that we don't. So why, then, would Chipotle be opening a branch barely 100 meters from Anna's' storefront? The answer is clear: to crush and annihilate our local taqueria, in the name of foul corporate profit.
This Chipotle is a menace to our student body and a threat to the Davis Square neighborhood. A national restaurant chain, Chipotle arrives in Somerville with a powerful corporate structure behind it and the ability to play economic hardball with Anna's, a small-time Boston-area eatery. Indeed, we can fairly see Chipotle as an imperial invader, pursuing corporate conquest with the goal of total burrito domination.
Imagine if the New York Yankees opened a recruiting station in Copley Square and utilized their pinstriped financial might to lure Boston's youth to support the Red Sox's rivals. How, then, would this city be forced to respond?
More aptly still, recall the high tension of the Cold War and suppose the Soviet Union opened a borscht stand on the corner of Packard and Professor's Row. Sure, their borscht might be pretty good and the price, fixed by the Kremlin, might be right. Even then, you could not let one drop pass your lips without becoming complicit in a communistic attempt to abolish freedom and rule over the world with a red, iron fist.
A Chipotle burrito is no better than a bowl of Soviet borscht. Be a responsible consumer; think where your money goes.
The invasion of Chipotle is a clear attempt to crush the life out of freedom-loving Anna's Taqueria. This stands antithetical to our basic values as Tuftonians and as Somervilliains. I hereby call upon you, my compatriots, to reject the food (if one can call it that) of Chipotle and instead, if you be a true revolutionary, to drastically increase your regular intake of Anna's burritos.
In the eloquent words of President Thomas Whitmore, played by Bill Pullman in the movie "Independence Day" (1996), "We will not go quietly into the night ... We're going to live on! We're going to survive!"
But perhaps you are the curious type, and you feel the urge to try out a Chipotle burrito, for comparison's sake.
Allow me to save you the trouble: They aren't that good.
While Anna's fills their tasty tortillas with a healthy quantity of meat or vegetables and complements the main course with a delicate balance of beans and rice, Chipotle serves you a rice burrito, filled with rice and seasoned with rice. If you're lucky, you might be able to find a little bit of meat or a bean buried in the rice. It's a tasteless proposition.
And as if that weren't enough, Chipotle's rice (which, as I said, is the only flavor your mouth will encounter) is just plain, white rice. Anna's uses zesty Spanish rice, which interacts well with the rest of the burrito.
Anna's meat is better. So are the other ingredients. Which would you choose: a handful of grated cheese sprinkled carelessly over some rice or a slice of cheese melted onto your tortilla, blending delectably with your chicken, beans, rice and salsa?
That's what I thought.
We, students of Tufts, and our neighbors in the Davis Square community are under assault. Do not be taken in by friendly fundraiser tactics and do not be fooled by fraudulent assertions that "more choice" is always better. This kind of surface evaluation only serves to mask the corporate imperialism that will gradually undermine and cripple our sacred and free institutions.
I implore you, do not forget what you stand for, and do not settle for second-rate food on any account.
Choose life. Choose liberty. Choose Anna's.
Samuel DuPont is a senior majoring in international relations.
