A terrible health hazard is sweeping our campus and endangering the lives of countless students, right under our very noses.
Alas, it is time for another round of fall semester midterms. Here we are, slaving away at our desks as papers, exams and projects take over our lives. Before we know it, we've exchanged sleep for stress, sanity for a complete loss of normal cognitive functions. But it isn't just the graded assignments wearing us down - it's the Halloween candy.
Indeed, midterms and the presence of holiday-themed candy combine to create a nutritional mixture far worse than parties and pizza, birthdays and cake, or baseball and beer.
For many of us, midterms bring the first grades we will receive for our courses so far this semester. The overwhelming pressure brings on a dietary nightmare as the stress eating begins.
It starts with a few handfuls of Reese's Pieces, but it only gets worse. Once we've chained ourselves to our books and computers, we rapidly deplete our supply of Hodgdon granola bars and pilfered dining hall fruit.
The pressure is on, and we start to question our ability to make it through this academic crunch. What if we ruin the hard work by misreading the assignment? What if we do alright now, but come down with a case of mid-December malaria and bomb the final? What if the computers in Eaton burst into flames and the library shuts down for fumigation?
Ah - the humanity! And now, what if my only solace can be found in the ubiquitous piles of mixed mini-candy bars to be found all over campus?
My normal eating habits start to suffer. I'm so hopped up on sugar, I wish Carmichael would offer bins of bulk candy á la Jumbo Express, instead of bins of multi-grain cereals.
I know I should be eating wholesome "brain food" to power me through marathon research sessions in Tisch, but why would I do that when this giant bag of candy corn is so much more appealing?
Give me sugar - and make it refined. Add corn syrup, red dye No. 7 and preservatives I daren't pronounce. Make it bright and colorful, in crinkly wrappers that fill my tote bags so that I will struggle to hide them from my friends and classmates.
I know what you're thinking: why Halloween candy - why not Easter candy? The answer is that Easter appears well away from spring midterms and often takes the form of a single chocolate bunny, which is usually beheaded before we realize it's nauseating to eat nine cubic inches of milk chocolate in one sitting. Once the bunny is consumed, the threat is gone.
But the pumpkin-shaped chocolates and Day-Glo Gummy Worms linger - especially after Halloween. Even without a trick-or-treating expedition, it's a relatively simple matter to accrue a substantial candy collection. Your roommates, classmates and teachers might bring you what they consider a harmless gift. Academic departments might leave out a dish of Smarties or SweeTarts to tempt you.
Little do they know that these seemingly innocuous goodies have replaced our regular meals, and fuel us from 10 a.m. until whenever we pass out on top of our laptops.
And what can we do but give in? The monstrous piles of work are no picnic, and soon enough, we'll come around and realize there are food groups beyond Nerds (carbs), Skittles (fruit), and Snickers (protein).
In the meantime, don't forget your vitamins. The yummy, cherry-flavored, sugary Flintstones kind.
Kate Peck is a senior majoring in English. She can be reached at katherine.peck@tufts.edu.
