Navigating through the complex world of dates, relationships and sex, you can always rely on the comfort of a best friend - that best friend who will listen to your drama and offer advice from the prime position of opposite-sexness.
Without inhibition, you can bestow upon them the sacred truths of your intricate internal world, confident in their opinion and discretion. They're familiar with your faults, and love you despite them.
I want to address the inherent problems in transitioning from the platonic to the romantic. I am asking: What happens when you decide to date your best friend?
At the beginning of the relationship, you are comforted by the basic fact that this person knows you. They are a secure choice for romance because they already get you. You're way past the relationship small talk and you never had the pressure of sex holding you back from full disclosure. They know you and you're used to being comfortable with them, no matter what.
Aside from, and probably more important than, being comfortable, you already love each other. You can say "I love you" without the hours of analysis and endless question marks it "normally" provokes.
So you're in love with your best friend who totally gets you - this obviously means they can never hurt you!
And so we encounter problem number one. Even if you had reservations about getting involved with your best friend, you rationalized the romance based on the security of your established friendship. We enter these types of relationships with the automatic assumption that this person cannot hurt us - Hello! It's your best friend!
But oh, how wrong you are.
They can hurt you so much more than any casual love interest because they're your most trusted companion. Having fights is much harder because it feels like you're fighting with two people: your lover and your friend.
And what's worse is that no matter how many times they may disappoint you or hurt you, forgiving them is second nature.
You have an inherent adoration for them that prevents you from really registering the gravity of their misconduct. That love significantly impairs your ability to distinguish acceptable romantic behavior from the excusable shenanigans of a mere friend.
The problem here is love. Love has many faces and loving your best friend versus loving your boyfriend or girlfriend is very different. Converting platonic love to romantic love is undeniably a destructive avenue. Just adding sex to a normal friendship does not magically make it a real relationship - that's what's known as "friends-with-benefits."
If you want to have a relationship with a person that is your best friend, you are inevitably going to have to adjust more than one aspect of your interaction if you expect it to work. Being super compatible in theory does not always play out in reality.
The risks include the ending of a friendship, along with the demise of a relationship. Starting out friends and becoming lovers can permanently tarnish your once gleaming friendship.
Given the risks and possible destruction of your whole world, dating your best friend could also be the most rewarding and lasting idea you've ever had. While there is great potential for things to go wrong, things could also go so right. This could end your infinite search for the right one. Happily married people are ones who married their best friends.
My advice: Proceed with caution. Anything worthwhile in life usually entails major risks. Be a risk-taker.
Lara Levi is a junior majoring in art history. She can be reached at lara.levi@tufts.edu.
