This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting our nation's beautiful capital.
The atmosphere in D.C. is so exciting and active - just getting coffee puts you at the center of major world affairs. Everything has an air of politics, from the rows of embassies and foreign flags to the red "Diplomat" license plates on every black Mercedes.
With the world of politics all around me, I was forced to reflect on the politics in my own immediate world.
Dating, relationships and sex are all so political. Laws, rules and regulations just corrupt the people involved, and the next thing you know, they're on CNN defending allegations of infidelity and God knows what else to Larry King.
But of all the romantic situations overwhelmed with politics, I find one to be the hardest, most vicious political game ever: breaking up.
Breaking up is not a simple, light-switch on/off situation. It's a complicated test of self-restraint and moderated sadism. I can't give you step-by-step rules to prevent the misery and depression breaking up brings with it. But by adhering to our socially constructed constitution of relationships, it is possible to navigate through the political game of break-ups.
Before discussing specific laws, let me stress that in any type of break-up, you have to be resolute to get out alive. Make a decision and stick to it. If you dance around the issue and avoid reality, you're going to drag yourself through a miserable campaign of incompetence and indecision. Wishy-washy John Kerrys need not apply.
But for those committed, decisive heartbreakers, here are a few laws:
Article 1: No person shall maintain the same degree of communication prior to the break up. You broke up - it's time to stop calling. Just "checking in" is not OK. Checking Facebook.com status should be your only way of keeping tabs. If you continue the same level of contact - calling, texting, IMing - it will be absolutely impossible to have a real break up or even pretend to move on. Suck it up and hang up.
Article 2: No person shall overtly publicize his or her position after the break-up. The media coverage politicians receive dwarfs that of even Britney Spears. But a common everyday break up gets more coverage than you think it does. Changing your Facebook relationship status, and letting pictures of your drunken escapades be tagged all contribute to the misery that is breaking up. Staying out of the news and being honest with yourself and your ex is the best way to cushion a break up.
Article 3: No person shall engage in any sexual activity with their ex post break-up. You're allowed break-up sex - that's it - only because it is possibly the hottest, most intense intercourse you can have. But after the initial end-marking copulation occurs, future sex is out of the question.
Sex will inevitably suck you right back into intense emotions of love and lust and dirty sexual desire. If you're committed to breaking up, having sex with your ex will only hurt your polls.
Following laws, avoiding bad press and abstaining from temptation are really secondary to sticking firmly to your position. Be steadfast and decisive: choose a side and stay there.
We don't have real honesty in Washington, where Bush and Dick perpetuate lies, deception and disrespect to our Constitution, but you don't have to follow suit. I'm lobbying for a little honesty - vote accordingly.
Lara Levi is a junior majoring in art history. She can be reached at lara.levi@tufts.edu.
