This past weekend I was in California for my cousin's wedding. The rehearsal dinner was held at a local hangout with pizza, laser-tag, go-karts and batting cages. My family and I had a nice dinner, watched a little of the Lakers game and had a chance to meet the groom's family.
All pretty standard - until my grandmother decided that she was going to race a go-kart. Now, it's not like these were especially souped-up karts. At best, they may have been hiding 10 horsepower under the hood. Still, my grandma is in her eighties. She's barely five feet tall. But despite the protests of just about every member of my family, she was determined to be a part of our go-kart race.
I'm usually "that guy" on the go-kart track - you know, the one who drives recklessly, cuts people off and ends up making a little girl spin out and crash. But my aunt put me in charge of watching my grandmother, so I toned it down a bit.
Still, midway through the 10-minute race, I was dominating.
After starting from the front, I had lapped everyone using some (in my mind) Michael Schumacher-esque moves. The only person left to pass was my grandma. Piece of cake, right?
Wrong. Somewhere in her 80-some years, she must have been a race-car driver. I tried going inside - she cut me off. I tried going outside - she hugged the inside of the turn and kept me from going around her. I tried feigning outside then cutting inside - still nothing.
As my family members cheered her on, my grandma successfully held me off for at least four laps around the track. It was like watching Ricky Bobby try to pass Jean Girard in "Talladega Nights," only I didn't have a Cal Noughton, Jr. to shake and bake me to a win. If there was ever a situation that taught me to respect my elders, this was it. In the world of high-speed go-kart racing, experience trumps youthful disregard for the rules.
This little experience got me thinking - between the two of us, we could make a pretty dominant race team. Racing has always been filled with colorful characters.
For example, there's Dick Trickle, considered by most to be the winningest driver in American history. Trickle has logged over one million laps, and reportedly over 1,200 career wins. Though he continues to race, the 66-year-old Trickle was most famous during the nineties, when he drilled a hole in his safety helmet so that he could smoke cigarettes and drink beer during races. Ever hear of Brad Coleman? He's the youngest NASCAR driver in history at 18 years old.
Imagine if the two of them raced together on the same race team! A five-year-old could market that successfully to the American public. We'd be the new stars of NASCAR, the dynamic "grandmother-grandson," intergenerational duo of the new millennium. We could take auto racing to the top of the sports world.
Unfortunately, my grandma decided after the race that she was retiring from the dangerous world of go-kart racing after her moment in the sun. I acted disappointed, but secretly, I was relieved. As long as she was on the track, I had no shot at winning.
Will Herberich is a sophomore who has not yet declared a major. He can be reached at William.Herberich@tufts.edu.
