Last week, I called Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress' 23-17 Super Bowl prediction a calamity. Since the Giants won, I'd like to hereby reduce my assessment to an error. While all Burress did was guess the score incorrectly, his opposition choked so badly that an entire region of six states in the northeastern U.S. actually suffocated.
This week's column is dedicated to a true group of calamity producers - the New England Patriots. But first, Shaq!
3. A Shaq-tastic deal: It looks like Kazaam will be taking his talents elsewhere. The 35-year-old former sensation went from the gutter to the penthouse this week, as Suns GM Steve Kerr pulled off the "blockbuster" deal of the year. Unfortunately, Kerr was forced to give up Shawn Marion, a strong forward who isn't nearly as injury-plagued or as ready to retire as Shaq.
While some sports critics marveled at how anyone could possibly manage such a stupid trade, Kerr, citing a strong medical and training staff, maintained his belief that acquiring the center was the right thing to do. Unfortunately, O'Neal has long since passed the torch to a new generation of big men. I've always admired Shaq, and that's why it pains me to say that Steve Kerr has made a big mistake.
2. Good Zorn-ing: The Washington Redskins' search for a new head coach finally came to an end Saturday night. No, owner Dan Snyder didn't select Jim Fassel. Steve Marriuci didn't make the cut either - he has a serious career with NFL Network. Giants defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo also opted to remain with his team. Give up? The pride of D.C. hired Jim Zorn, effectively the Barack Obama of Washington's coaching search - that is, he lacks experience. Here's a rundown of how Zorn's interview probably went:
Snyder: What football background do you bring to the table?
Zorn: I played pro football for a while ... oh! I was the Seahawks' quarterbacks coach!
Snyder: Jimmy, I'm interviewing these other guys for the job, and they're all telling me about their "experience" doing things like being coordinators, or even head coaches. Still, I really don't see any reason why I should hire them.
Zorn: Hey, I was hired to be your offensive coordinator the other day!
Snyder: How'd you like to be head coach here instead?
Zorn: That doesn't make a ... whole lot of sense ... but O.K.!
Dan Snyder, for a franchise that's had its share of problems recently, you've committed a calamity.
1. The Calamity of Calamities: Bill Belichick, a new filmmaker on the scene, has a recently released a feature entitled "Rams Walk-Through before Super Bowl XXXVI" that may well be up for an Oscar. Yes, another Patriots spying scandal leaked just before the good old boys from New England fell flat on their faces (metaphorically and literally) to blow a perfect season.
The allegations of cheating were clearly in the Pats' heads as they took the field last Sunday. Brady was slow and sacked. Bruschi was beat. Seau was too old. Moss didn't walk off the field early, but he was still ineffective. Belichick looked like Elmo. At the end of the day, it was Eli Manning, a quarterback who was once described as horrible, awful and terrible, and Michael Strahan, who never visited a dentist as a child, who raised the Lombardi Trophy.
Did a team that went through the season in such a humorless, smug fashion and was accused not once, but twice of cheating deserve to lose in such an atrocious fashion? Whether or not the answer is yes, the red (sweat-shirted) version of Bill Belichick and the Patriots certainly pulled off the calamity of the year.
Jeremy Strauss is a sophomore majoring in environmental studies. He can be reached at Jeremy.Strauss@tufts.edu.
