"Let's not do the wrong thing and I swear it might be fun."
-The Gin Blossoms
As some of you may have guessed, I'm not much of a hip-hop guy (Did the name "Goldberg" give it away?). However, when I heard that we were getting Common to play Spring Fling, I was pleased, because he seems to have a lot more to say than just telling me how to spell I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. Now, I'm not trying to draw a line in the sand here between rock and rap, because I don't generally like modern rock bands anyway - and deep down, I know I probably didn't need Van Morrison to tell me how to spell G-L-O-R-I-A either.
So that got me thinking: If we're getting a rap artist that even I appreciate, what could we get for a rock band? Granted, rock is struggling. I mean, I don't think I've heard a guitar solo in about eight years. I'm actually not 100 percent sure they still even make guitars, for that matter. Hasn't Guitar Hero officially outlawed real guitars in the contiguous United States by
now anyway?
Now to all of you regular Arts readers: Don't start throwing indie bands out at me and move on to other columns (and by "other columns," I of course mean "the crossword puzzle"). Of what's left of rock 'n' roll that hasn't been plundered by Fall Out Boy, Nickelback and eyeliner, some of the best stuff out there is indie music. However, no one is going to rock out at Spring Fling to small-market bands they don't know. Here, let's try an experiment:
Of Montreal, The Format, Band of Horses, the Silver Jews, the Beta Band, Vietnam. See? How boring was that? Most of the Tufts body couldn't give a Poop about it. (And yeah, "Poop" is the name of an indie band too.) For the 85 percent of you who don't care about the indie music scene, you probably got through three of those before bailing on this article and going straight to the Sudoku, didn't you? Sure, Sudoku has its rightful time and place, but that place is not Spring Fling - it's during class.
So then, what does rock have to offer us, assuming the President's Lawn is not going to be a stop on the Led Zeppelin reunion tour? The way I see it, we shouldn't be trying to land a second-tier rock band or an indie group at all. Ask yourself this: Who would drive everyone crazy, fit our budget and definitely not have a scheduling conflict? The answer: washed up '90s bands.
Just imagine it. What are Hootie and the Blowfish doing these days? I can guarantee you they're not planning to top the charts with "Hold My Hand Part II." What about Third Eye Blind? Do you seriously think they're fighting off concert offers with a stick right now? It's not like the Wallflowers are sitting there saying, "Guys, we should probably demand more money for this gig, since our popularity's gonna peak any day now." I challenge the Concert Board to find one person on campus who wouldn't get excited to hear the Barenaked Ladies, Eve 6, The Offspring, the Goo Goo Dolls or Everclear.
We don't even need rock. Ricky Martin! Ace of Base! Boyz II Men! Lets make it happen, Tufts! Just give us all a reason to throw those flannel shirts and baggy JNCO jeans back on again, and we can all party like it's 1999.
Ari Goldberg is a senior majoring in history. He can be reached at Ari.Goldberg@tufts.edu.
