With national trends veering toward a lower marriage rate in the young adult population, the majority of Tufts students are following suit, choosing to worry more about the status of the nation's economy or next weekend's party than securing a fiancé.
Compared to the early part of the 20th century, many Jumbos now prioritize future career paths and continuing education over traditional social comforts, like that of marriage.
According to Richard Lerner, professor of child development and director of the Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development, the burgeoning gap of time between obtaining a college degree and tying the knot stems from the rise of women entering the work force during World War II.
"The expectation was that when the war ended and the men returned from war, the women would go back to the home, but they didn't, and so there has been a huge change in the role of career in the life of American women," Lerner said.
As a result of a growing female college graduate and professional population, Lerner says there is now a delay in the milestones of adult development.
"It used to be that you would get married out of high school or, if you went to college, in or right out of college, and you would start your family right away," Lerner said. "Now, people are delaying marriage well into his or her twenties or later, and then delaying childbearing even later than that."
For children of Tufts graduates, this shift through time appears to be particularly drastic. As the daughter of two alumni who met at Tufts in the early eighties and married several years after graduation, sophomore Alexandra Brena does not plan on settling down in her immediate future.
"I think society has developed to where people grow up feeling much more sheltered and much younger in college," Brena said. "I don't know anyone planning on getting married soon, and I'm definitely not. I think people need to have time to grow up a little bit after graduating."
Because he attended college in a time when women were viewed much differently, Lerner said he applauds the societal shift.
"The typical Tufts student breaks out of the stereotype that was unfortunately the case when I was still in college," Lerner said. "People would say, 'Are you getting a B.A. or a B.S.?' and then reply, 'No, she's here to get a MRS.' By the time I got out of college, though, during the '60s, things started shifting very rapidly."
Along with the rise of women's status in the professional world, the male perspective on marriage seems to have changed as well.
"What would be the motivation for a guy to push for marriage when he doesn't have women available who are willing to get married?" Lerner said. "It may be that there is some synergy between women's desire to delay these milestones and men also delaying them, almost like a chicken and egg situation."
As early as several decades ago, women began to focus more on pursuing a career than pursuing a marriage, according to alumna Debra Kelly (LA '80), who married a fellow Jumbo in 1983 in Goddard Chapel.
"One of my friends got married a year after graduating, but I didn't know anyone who got married in school," Kelly said. "There were people that did want to get married right out of college, but in my crowd, getting married wasn't a huge thing like in my mother's generation."
Despite the relative laxity at the time, remnants of more antiquated ideas were not entirely absent, as her brother would commonly tease her about attending school with the purpose of marrying, Kelly said.
But it is evident that current students' views on matrimony are considerably more indifferent. As an academic advisor to hundreds of Tufts students during his nine years at Tufts, Lerner has noticed the change.
"Male or female, I always ask them the question: 'Tell me where you see yourself in ten years after you graduate from Tufts,'" he said. "Half of the students do not really have a good idea, but those who do talk about their professional niche. It is very rare - it's so striking that I can remember only one or two times - that a student has included in that ten-year statement a family."
Javed Rezayee, a student in the Resumed Education for Adult Learners program who traveled from Afghanistan, chose to delay marriage - against his country's social norms - in favor of pursuing his education.
"Where I come from, in Afghanistan, marriage works totally differently than here. When you reach a certain age, you have to get married," Rezayee said. "I was not like that, though. If I had gotten married, I wouldn't have been able to come here. Being single allowed me to be free, and for me, education is much more important than marriage or anything else."
Still, at 28 years old, Rezayee does look forward to marriage.
"I would hope to be married in five years. After I get my master's degree, I will be thinking seriously about it," he said. "In order to get to know someone, it takes a long time. I think I will be working on that from now on, so that by the time I get to the point where I'm thinking about marriage, I will have someone in my life."
Lerner said other factors that might be contributing to the lag in marrying post-college include an increase in the national divorce rate and a greater prevalence of "serial monogamy," as well as the changing role of sex in society.
"The probability of marriage not being maintained may be a reason that people are delaying it," he said. "People may think, 'Why rush in if it may not last? Let's make sure we really want to be with each other and can be with each other before making this permanent commitment.' Also, it used to be the traditional [social norm] that sex was reserved for marriage, but since that [social norm] is no longer ubiquitous in society, sex is not the reason to get married."
According to junior Rachel Chervin, the possibility of breaking up before marriage is all too common as well.
"I know a couple of people who are in long-term relationships and thinking of marriage, but for every couple that feels that way and is going to get married, there are at least two or three that thought they felt that way, and then broke up after two or three years," Chervin said. "I think planning to marry the person you date in college is risky. For some people it definitely works out, but for most, it needs to be taken into account that you may not be the same person when you leave college that you were when you entered it."
While Chervin plans on marriage, she said that it is important for her to establish herself in a career before trying to establish anything serious with another person.
Sophomore Emma Blumstein argued that due to the nature of the typical college setting, it is out of place for young people to consider marriage.
"A lot of the social interaction in college is very short-lived and casual, and it's so weird for marriage to be considered when many people don't even start to think about dating, let alone long-term relationships," she said.
Blumstein, a member of the LGBT community, does not view marriage as a necessity, but still intends on having a structured family life.
"I do not need a ring or the American government to tell me that my relationship is validated in their eyes," Blumstein said. "I do want a relationship similar to marriage, though, one with a continuous partner."
But despite the feelings of the majority, some Jumbos still highly prioritize marriage during college or immediately thereafter. Senior David Sall is one such student. Sall, a philosophy major, plans on wedding his girlfriend of four and a half years next summer.
Sall met his girlfriend while attending a study-abroad program in Cambridge, England during the summer before his senior year of high school, and the two have continued dating despite attending different colleges.
"We started talking early on, at least a couple of years ago, about planning on getting married," Sall said. "Last summer came around, and it was about the time that it would have been appropriate to get engaged in order to get married the following summer, after graduation." The two became engaged on Aug. 1.
While many students have been surprised by Sall's wedding plans, he said he and his fiancé are not concerned.
"Ninety-nine percent of the people I encounter think that it is really young, and some will mention that their parents got married that young," Sall said. "When people ask me if I'm sad about graduating and moving on, my answer almost every time is, 'It's not as bad for me as it would be, because I have this big exciting thing that is coming up in my future.' Getting married has significantly affected my transition process."
Since many students spend time at college casually dating, Sall admitted that his experience was very different because of his long-term commitment.
"I had a very long-term relationship during college, whereas a lot of people are much more open-minded about the future of their relationships," he said.
Another student, junior Andrea Abarca, is similarly not hesitant to marry and have children soon after graduating college.
"I would like to be married by twenty-four. I come from a family that marries young," Abarca said. "My mom was married and had my brother when she was 18. I don't feel pressure from my family to get married, but I know it's in the air and that it's on their minds."
Having been in several long-term relationships, Abarca said she hasn't been in a relationship during which she hasn't thought about marriage.
"I'm not picking out china patterns, but I do think about the future and how I can live my life while another person lives their life by my side," Abarca said. "I think that is the traditional nature in me."
