Well, at least you know we'll never fight over a guy," one of my housemates always teases me. "I can appreciate that he's attractive to you, but I'm just not into boy−ish, skinny guys like you are."
My housemates and I frequently talk about guys and girls, yet are rarely ever interested in the same people because we're all attracted to different traits. It's pretty safe to say that most of my housemates and I have "a type" or just are frequently drawn to certain kinds of people.
Have you ever noticed patterns in the physical appearance and personality of the people you've been involved with or are interested in? Always attracted to adventurous blondes who all happen to be in TMC or quiet engi−nerd guys with freckles and good taste in music?
Many of us seem to be interested in individual types of people, but does having "a type" limit our prospects? How far can we and should we venture beyond our normal comfort zone?
One friend of mine always goes for the big, strong, football player kind of guy who can scoop her up into his arms, but our sophomore year, she fell for one of the skinniest guys I know.
I always thought it was great that she could move beyond her normal physical type and be interested in someone a little different, but all throughout her relationship, she made offhand comments about how he probably weighed less than she did. Since breaking up, she's returned to huskier guys and has never looked back.
Sometimes I wonder if she'll ever be able to move beyond her type, or if she'll always end up pursuing the same sort of guy. Is attraction to certain traits inevitable? I would like to think none of us are bounded by certain characteristics, but I've heard of many instances where one person dismisses another because they aren't "what they normally go for."
One of the first was when a friend's mother said she didn't take her boyfriend seriously because she didn't think that he was her type. The mother mentioned this to an acquaintance one morning and the woman shot back, "Good, because your type wasn't working for you!"
I thought that line was hilarious a month ago, but I've been taking it more seriously lately after realizing that I keep getting involved with the same type of guys, only to see lackluster endings. Is my type not working for me?
I keep trying to convince myself to branch out a little more, to give someone I might not have considered a second look and to stop using John Mayer's "I'm Gonna Find Another You" as a breakup anthem. However, if I know that I like lanky, kind of nerdy, goofy guys, should I date a hefty lacrosse player just to compare notes?
How much should we try something new when we think we know what we like already?
One guy I've known since freshman year has consistently been interested in the same type of girl, to the point where he could spell out "his type" when anyone tried to set him up. But his current long−term girlfriend? The antithesis to his type, something he frequently jokes about.
His advice is just to remain open about people and not dismiss them early on as part of a screening process. You can't push yourself to like someone different, he says, but you should be open to taking a few steps outside of your comfort zone.
Many people can't help being attracted to certain types of people off the bat and it's fine to have a couple of qualities you look for in others. Just don't convince yourself that you can only be interested a narrow spectrum of people, and give someone different a chance if you feel a little spark.
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Emily Maretsky is a senior majoring in engineering psychology. She can be reached at Emily.Maretsky@tufts.edu.
