I can't say I completely understand what's going on in the Alex Rodriguez versus Major League Baseball saga. Honestly, I don't care much about the details. A-Rod is an immature, conniving man, and instead of going down as one of the best baseball players ever, he will be remembered as one of the game's most controversial figures.
Of course, MLB and commissioner Bud Selig aren't exactly likable, either. By imposing a 211-game ban on Rodriguez, Selig is clearly trying to make a statement about performance-enhancing drug use, but it's coming across as more of a witch-hunt. Whether Selig has sufficient evidence remains to be seen, but he is arguably just as guilty as A-Rod is.
Regardless of how you feel about either side, there is one thing on which we can now all agree: A-Rod is hilarious. In the past week, his story has taken a turn from obnoxious to immensely entertaining. A-Rod is angry with the way he's being treated. He's speaking up. He's providing some of the greatest quotes of all time.
On Wednesday, A-Rod stormed out of his own grievance hearing after the arbitrator ruled that Selig did not have to testify. Upon leaving, A-Rod slammed his hand on the table and shouted to MLB chief operating officer Rob Manfred, "This is f---ing bulls---!"
That was just the beginning. A-Rod proceeded to go to the studio of WFAN, a New York sports talk radio station, to be interviewed by the notoriously brash Mike Francesa. What ensued was pure gold.
There were a number of gems, starting with a legendary brunch request:
"I reached out to Selig several times early on and I said, 'Hey, I'll fly up to you in January, I'll fly up to you in February," A-Rod told Francesa. "'I'll come see your house, we can have coffee, we can have brunch in your house in Milwaukee. Or in a Starbucks.'"
Here's how I envision that date going: Alex Rodriguez and Bud Selig walk into a Starbucks (for brunch). The barista says, 'What can I get you two?' To which Selig replies, 'I'll have a tall latte. And he'll have a 211-game suspension.' Rodriguez punches Selig in the face.
A-Rod went on to tell Francesa, "I can't believe that someone would have the courage to make a historical decision on my life - on my daughters' lives. I'm going to have to explain this to my daughters. And the guy [Selig] who Rob Manfred said, 'It's his decision and his decision only' ... doesn't have the nerve to come and face me face to face?"
'A historical decision on my life?' 'Face me face to face?' What language is he even speaking? I understand that the suspension will tarnish A-Rod's legacy, but his daughters will presumably still benefit from the $252 million contract their father signed in 2000. They should be just fine.
A-Rod showed his angry side: "I'm so heated up and pissed off right now. I can't think straight."
He flaunted his doctorate: "This is what I have my Ph.D. in: baseball."
Then, on Friday, he took the quote game to a whole different level.
"Today was nuts," he told ESPNNewYork.com. "People were jumping out of their f---ing cars. I been coming to New York for 20 years and have never had a more positive reaction in the streets. I couldn't believe this s---."
In an age when athletes say a whole lot of nothing, A-Rod is providing some of the most melodramatic, outrageous, hysterical lines you'll ever hear. With the baseball season more than four months away, I can't thank him enough.
Aaron Leibowitz is a senior who is majoring in American studies. He can be reached at Aaron.Leibowitz@tufts.edu.
