First off, let's get one thing straight. I'm not one of those stereotypical girls who doesn't know the first thing about sports and who watches the Superbowl for the halftime show. (Please, I watch for the commercials.) I know that home runs are baseball, first downs are football and cobbing (excessive use of elbows) is Quidditch.
But to be completely honest, I haven't followed the Sochi Olympics much. I've been vaguely aware of the various American hockey heartbreaks, and I've seen some ice skating (or is it figure skating? Ice dancing?) from over my roommate's shoulder, but my 2014 Winter Olympics experience pretty much ends there. Personally, it's hard for me to get psyched about the Winter Olympics; at least its summer counterpart has thrilling sports like table tennis and trampolining. So that got me thinking about all of the various obstacles I have to overcome on a daily basis here at Tufts - accomplishments that merit, at the very least, a shiny bronze medal. In no particular order:
Event No. 1: Catching the Joey. This requires at least two of the following attributes: incredible luck, accidental sleepwalking, a close personal friendship with the driver or unerring skill. A bronze for taking the Joey uphill, a silver for taking it to Davis and a gold for being the last one to make the cut before the doors slide shut.
Event No. 2: Working out in the gym. The combination of a fitness area that's not quite large enough and an undergrad population zealously devoted to working out adds quite the degree of difficulty to your normal routine. A bronze for lifting in the morning, a silver for grabbing a space to do abs at night and a gold for securing a treadmill during the dreaded late afternoon-early evening rush.
Event No. 3: Getting work done in Tisch. As can only be the case at a school like Tufts, Tisch has started to blur the line between being a study haven and a go-to spot to see and be seen. Sometimes - almost all of the time - it is difficult to actually be productive, with old suitemates, new classmates and sketchy old men walking by every 3.5 seconds. A bronze for finishing a problem set by the windows in the back, a silver for completing a lab report in the purple hallway and a gold for writing a paper in group study.
Event No. 4: Getting food at a reasonable time on a Friday or Saturday night. When the dining halls close early this can be quite the challenge, but the true Olympians among us know how to overcome such mundane obstacles. Bronze for swiping into Dewick at 7:25 and staying for an hour, silver for snagging mozzarella sticks at the Commons at midnight and a gold for ordering Helen's at 2 a.m. (you gotta do what you gotta do).
Event No. 5: Obtaining the Holy Grail, a.k.a. nine hours of sleep. I don't think I have to explain to anyone why this is such a difficult thing to do. Juggling a heavy course load, participation in clubs and teams and a healthy social life often lead to a less-than-healthy amount of sleep, especially if you're as bad of a juggler as I am. A bronze for sleeping in until noon on a weekend, a silver for sleeping in until noon on a weekday and a gold for arranging your schedule so you never have to wake up until noon.
Screw Fall Ball or Winter Bash - or is it Fall Bash and Winter Gala? Fall Gala and Winter Ball? Who even knows anymore - this is the sort of event our Programming Board should be concerned with. I'll get started on the paperwork right away, and you all can start training.
LexErath is a sophomore who has yet to declare a major. She can be reached at Alexandra.Erath@tufts.edu.
