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The Tufts Daily
Where you read it first | Friday, February 23, 2024

The Art of Good Soup: Oh, nuts!


You guys, there’s drama. Not naming names, but one member of our duo tried to poison Cole. It wasn’t Ellie, we swear. 

Here’s a little pro tip for the fans. If you cannot put nuts in your mouth without your parts swelling in size, do not try to eat Tom… Yum soup, that is. 

Allow us to illustrate. It was a Thursday evening, as always. We were on the prowl for something warm, something steamy. Our attention was drawn to the Soup Shack, mainly because it was the first option on Uber Eats (please sponsor us; Big Dairy dropped us after we took them to court (see our last column (the girls that get it, get it (you know who you are))). 

Having the excellent head he does, Cole made a grave error. He was so riled up on lust for Tom that he failed to notice one serious caveat: Tom has nuts. Peanuts. Cole was in such a hurry for Tom to join him for a night on the town (by that we mean sitting in Ellie’s dining room (don’t ask for the address, we’ll never tell (the girls that get it, get it (you know who you are)))) that he didn’t realize his oversight until it was too late. Poor guy. 

You see, Cole can have other nuts in his mouth, but a peanut is a special thing. He will perish upon consumption. Alas, Tom was already on his way to Ellie’s house (he’s a girl who gets it). 

You must be wondering, what happened when Tom came?! Well, this is as much a story of drama as it is heroics. Ellie saved Cole from busting… out in hives due to an allergic reaction. And what a reaction it would’ve been had Ellie not called Tom’s house (the Soup Shack (their address is on Google — any girl who wants to get it can)) and made sure he didn’t already have nuts in him. 

We spoke with a nice woman who assured us that the Soup Shack had already removed Tom’s nuts. We had nothing to fear. His sauce was all clean, delectable some might say. 

Ellie got the chicken pho. It was super yummy and not at all a potential biological threat. We had a much better time with this week’s soup than last; heck, we almost reached bowl bottom. Cole wishes he could bowl bottom more often, it’s just so hard to take that much in his guts. 

Soup can fill you up really fast. 

Anyways, we’re on the way up you guys! Cole avoided death, and we both had soup and noods that didn’t make us uncomfortable. We’ll take a win wherever we can get one. 

We rate these bowls 13 spoons for good luck. Ordering things off the internet is dangerous; that’s why you should always have a friend to help you do some extra research. It’s always more fun to enjoy yourself with a companion than alone. That’s all for now, ta ta.