Strong independent assertive female seeking a man of quality

So my mom ordered me a T-shirt with the quote "A man of quality is not threatened by a woman for equality" boldly plastered across its chest. She somehow got on the mailing list for this catalogue selling exclusively female products -- we're talking feminist bumper stickers, magnets, mostly stuff I would rather laugh at than actually own. But this month, the T-shirt caught my mom's eye and she's sending it my way -- as a message from mother to daughter, perhaps words of wisdom and comfort, or just another pj top, I'm not sure.

The point is, as corny as it may be, and while it may stick out in my closet crammed with a compilation of pants from my semester abroad in Florence, my florescent yellow Nappy Roots T-shirt, and last years punk Halloween costume, I truly can't wait for the UPS guy to ring my bell and bring me my T. I am ready to walk around campus wearing the shirt, even if it means layering long underwear underneath or waiting until spring to pull it out.

In fact, for a girl who has been accused of being too assertive, too independent, and too vocal, (believe me, my high school classmates I'm sure would say... "Excuse me, but did you just say Laura 'self-sufficient and confident' Vichinsky? Are you sure we're talking about the same person?") the shirt probably couldn't be more aptly suited. I do not know what happened to me after I got to college, and especially since going abroad, but all of a sudden I know what I want and what I think -- not really a radical idea, but wave-making nonetheless. Not only that, but I've come to the sad realization that, apparently, being a girl and being assertive is a combination that a) puts you in the spot light b) can either be really liked or really disliked and c) is something some people cannot handle.

Again, I am struck with the bubble of innocence I must have been living in my entire life. Is it possible that knowing I like sex, being loudly disgusted by the discrimination occurring in our health care system, and fighting with my hands in the air and my chest out, are all characteristics that could actually be construed as not only negative but also something to stay away from?

If you hear me arguing about the offensive nature of racist jokes, or you read my thesis on the tobacco industry and how it targets women and you call me ridiculous, it is hard for me to not come to the conclusion that you're threatened. I swear and curse, watch romantic comedies and trip over my feet (anyone seen my broken thumb this week, looking lovely in a make-shift cast?), vote pro-choice and love dancing alone in my room to Britney Spears.

It honestly should not be hard to reconcile my campaign to get elect a Jewish black woman president with my account at Central Square's Hubba Hubba. I should not have to choose between being someone who wants to kiss you and more five minutes after I meet you, and someone who wants to raise my kids with a feminist Passover hagada.

Not only that, but I am going to keep my last name when I get married. I have been Laura Vichinsky for my entire 22 years of life; my middle school teachers remember me that way, I wrote my first Letter to the Editor of the Oakland Tribune with that name, and love it that my friends call me Vichinsky. A harmless fact? Apparently not, or at least according to the guys I date.

My last night in Italy with my boyfriend, over a seemingly romantic dinner of red wine and pasta, ended in a bitter fight over the discussion of keeping my last name -- and we were never even going to see each other again. I am slowly learning the hard way that while we have amazing technology, the ability to fly across the globe, and have people living past 90, I am still going to get crap for being the person I am.

So back to the T-shirt. Yes. I like it. Maybe I will wear it with the button I saw online which shouts something to the tune of how you call me a feminist because I have opinions that differentiate me from a doormat.

Laura Vichinsky is a senior majoring in clinical psychology.