Porn and sexuality

Last Thursday night when all of my friends were out to bars, I stayed in and watched porn. I had intended to write about how pornography is unrealistic and demeaning, but after two hours of '80s techno and repair men, I've come to the conclusion that maybe porn isn't that bad after all. I'm not about to go out and buy the full boxed set of Anal Adventures, but I do think pornography has gotten a bad rep, and not necessarily for legitimate reasons.

Sure porn sex is a little idealized, but I'd argue that it's much closer to the truth than the sex scenes in most R rated movies. The typical Hollywood sex scene shows a man and a woman romping under the covers and breathing heavily. During this passionate love making the man's hands gravitate towards the breasts, the hair, or anything to make the scene more dramatic.

So unless our Hollywood stud has an extra growth above his Johnson, I think it's safe to assume that the woman's clitoris is completely neglected. Now, the unrealistic part isn't the clitoral neglect (I'm sure it happens quite often), but the breathy "ah... ahh... ahhhhh... I love you" orgasm that follows. Given the fact that most women need clitoral stimulation in order to get off, I guess I feel like the woman should be breathing "ah... ahh... touch me" instead.

In a porn on the other hand, the clitoris gets as much attention as the breasts. Whether through masturbation, oral sex, or a sex toy, I can't think of one porn I've seen that didn't show direct clitoral stimulation. SO when the porn women sound like a banshee when she orgasms, I don't doubt the authenticity of her moans. Hell, if all men were that gifted with their tongue I bet the number of un-orgasmic women in the world would drop drastically. It may not be normal that men are that gifted, but given their gift, I don't find the woman's reactions implausible.

The most unrealistic part of a porn is its plot. But man, I'd argue that the plots are also the best part of any porn. You have to admire the simplicity in which problems are handled... "You didn't have the manuscript I wanted? No worries, lets bang!"... "I'm so horny, and my husband is at work! Guess I'll finger the chick next door."... "What? You slept with my girlfriend? Problem solved, I'll screw your wife."

Much of the anti-porn movement is based on the view that it is demeaning to women. Based on the porn that I've seen, I don't think this is true at all. The thing about porn is that it de-emotionalizes sex. The man and woman fornicating in the nudy flick do so for no other reason than to get off. The men use the women in the same way that the women use the men. To argue that it objectifies women, but not men supports the stereotype that the only pleasure women find in sex is through the emotional aspects, not the physical ones.

Not only do I believe that porn doesn't harm women, but I think that in some ways it leaves women better off. It's a great instructional tool for teenaged boys who might otherwise be perplexed by that thing some call "the vagina." How else would they have the chance to get up close and personal and learn the tricks of the trade before the real thing? And although nothing can beat hands on experience, it's nice to have at least watched a detailed account of what one should be doing. Meanwhile, the R rated movie advises boys to get under the covers and do push ups until their girlfriend whispers she loves them.

My biggest complaint to the porn industry is that it very rarely uses condoms. I find this unethical for the actors and a bad example for the viewers. But then again, I can't really think of that many times condoms are used in R rated sex scenes either.

There's porn out there that is horrible and violent, but it's not the majority. All of the attention that porn gets for being sexist and promoting violence towards women is, in my mind, wasted effort.

You can spend your time scouring through millions of porn videos, find the sickest ones and attack the industry based on that. Or you could turn on Kiss 108, the number one radio station in Boston and hear Matty from The Morning Show joke about date rape. And then in the afternoon watch General Hospital, a popular soap opera that features Laura, who fell in love with Luke, after he raped her.

If you want to point fingers at something promoting violence against women, look to the mass media, not pornography. Nudy flicks may not be your thing -- they're not mine either -- but they're also not the downfall of healthy sexual relations.