I know you're not a psychologist or anything, but I have a problem and I figured that since you write this column, you probably have experience with it. I have a friend who is ... well, I'm not going to beat around the bush. He's fat. But that's not the problem.
<$> The problem is that he gets annoyed whenever we eat out together and I try to eat healthy, or if we're hanging out and I tell him I need to go to the gym he gets upset, saying things like "Is the gym more important than our friendship?" or "You are obsessed." He even told me once he thought I had an eating disorder. How can I explain to him that I am not going overboard with my healthy lifestyle? Is he just jealous? What should I do?
<$>- Paul Vamder, Syracuse University
<$>
There are many different ways to refer to a person who seems to be overly health conscious. "Bitten by the iron bug," "exercise-obsessed," and "narcissistic" are just a few. But aside from providing your friend with even more words to assault you with, you could try sitting him down and having a conversation with him.
Many people who are out of shape simply don't have the drive to immerse themselves in a healthier lifestyle. Being in shape just isn't important enough to them, so it is understandable that they can't conceive how something they deem unworthy of any of their time consumes so much of yours. Another possible reason for your friend's attitude is that he feels that perhaps you are trying to force your lifestyle on him.
I know from experience at Tufts that if a person doesn't feel like subscribing to a different lifestyle, he'll fight you tooth and nail to resist your efforts to convert. So think about your interaction with him. Do you ever suggest that he change his eating habits or join you in the gym? Perhaps he feels uncomfortable eating around you because he thinks you are judging him.
One important aspect of being a personal trainer is the ability to read people. Maybe the problems in your friendship stem from insecurity on your friend's part about his own weight. Or, perhaps you hit the nail on the head in your question; maybe your friend is just jealous about your work ethic, and is making an attempt to sabotage you. That does sounds kind of catty and 90210ish, so I don't think it is the solution.
The important thing to remember is that any lifestyle decision is intensely personal. Your friend's decision to criticize your choices probably indicates a dissatisfaction with his own life, so my ultimate advice is to try and help him. Resist the urge to argue, and get to the bottom of his feelings. Perhaps all he really wants is to get in shape, but is too self-conscious to ask where to start.
Just settle this argument. I say that the bottom line is that you need heavy weight to grow. My buddy says form is more important than weight. Who's right? - Some guy, Hill Hall
Form. Form. Form. Form is the most important aspect of weight lifting. Yes, there are different schools of thought on the importance of different types and methods of stimulus and work placed on the muscles.
However, improper form means doing the exercise wrong. It means inviting injury, it means lawsuits, it means broken equipment. It means people whispering about what an idiot you are behind your back - "Did you see that guy yesterday? He was doing pelvic thrusts to get 225 off his neck!"
So before you go out into the gym and crush your ribcage trying to bench 405, make sure your friend teaches you proper form. Once you have mastered the form of an exercise, you can start to slowly add weight. But once again, ALWAYS emphasize form over load, or you'll have a very short lifting career.<$>
