Wenceslas Square has a split-personality problem. During the day, this Prague landmark is a bustling, 750-meter-long boulevard that stretches from the National Museum to Old Town. Upscale clothing stores and four-star hotels line the sides of the street as tourists gawk and locals jet around the commercial center of the city.
The inner portion of the street is dotted with statues and sculptures, culminating in the big dog himself: Saint Wenceslas on horseback, raising a flag and looking over Prague with a steely glare.
The square is remembered as the birthplace of contemporary Czech democracy. Over one million people gathered there in November 1989 to protest the Communist regime and herald in a new era. This is the side of Wenceslas Square you'll read about in the guidebooks. This is Dr. Jekyll.
At night, Mr. Hyde comes out to play. And by Mr. Hyde, I mean that guy who sneaks up behind you and offers you a hooker, off of whose breasts you may elect to snort cocaine - which he is conveniently selling as well.
All of a sudden, you no longer see all the pretty sculptures and shops. Instead, the street corners are lit up by neon casinos and strip clubs. Instead of mannequins modeling luxurious clothes, you see actual live girls sitting in the windows, wearing bikinis and fighting off boredom.
Men with fliers jump out at you like the aliens in an arcade shooting game, offering sex and drugs. As my friend Jesse said when he visited from Florence, "Evil lurks everywhere."
In a city rife with contradictions, Wenceslas Square is my personal favorite. It offers you all the best and worst of Prague, and to see either, you simply have to wait for the sun to rise or set. Since most guidebooks can tell you about some of the attractions Wenceslas offers during the daytime, here are some things to try if you ever find yourself there after sunset. Or rather, here are some things not to try - it all depends on your list of priorities, and whether the well-being of your bank account and body are at the top of that list.
The following list goes in order from cheapest to most expensive, and from least-to most-likely to result in your own death, on a scale of one to 10. One means you'll be fine; 10 means you should write out your will. Mom, stop reading...wait on it...now.
1. Mess with the guys trying to convince you to hire a hooker/buy drugs/go to their strip club. This is incredibly fun. My friends and I have developed a little game. Stand in the middle of the sidewalk and scream, "All I want to do is see a nice pair of breasts! And I want to do it while I'm high!" You'll cause a veritable stampede.
Another popular choice is to engage in logical dialogue with these salesmen. For instance, a guy says, "Come to this bar and I'll give you five free beers for just 300 crowns." You say, "Right. But they're not actually free. I mean, I'm paying 300 crowns. How are they free beers?" Guy gives you puzzled look.
Cost: Free.
Danger to your health: One.
2. Eat a fried cheese sandwich. They're sold at about a dozen little red Coca-Cola stands throughout the square. Gooey mozzarella cheese is deep-fried and put on a bun. This is the greatest culinary feat in the history of food, and its scrumptelescentness is only magnified when you're drunk.
Cost: approximately $1.40.
Danger to your health: Three. That
rating may seem high, but I'm pretty sure each of these puppies brings you one year closer to a heart attack.
3. Visit a strip club, brothel or casino. The strip clubs are actually a good deal. For a $15 cover, you get five drinks and can watch Czech and Slovak girls gyrating all night. I can't speak to the brothels, as I haven't been inside one yet (I swear).
As for the casinos, I loathe them. You think you're not doing so bad playing $4 hands at the blackjack table, and before you know it, you've lost $200 and are offering the money changer your left kidney as collateral.
Cost: $15 to get in the strip club, $40 for a lap dance, $100 if you pay for a half-hour of sex, and an untold amount at the casino. Plus your dignity.
Danger to your health: Seven. Think about syphilis.
4. The "Can't Say No" game. This has not been attempted by anyone I know. The idea is that for one night, you may not turn down anything anybody offers you. Someone offers you crack? Accept it. A shot of red bull and absinthe spiked with roofies and ecstasy? Accept. Sex with a male, female or animal(s)? Accept it with a smile. The goal is to survive to sunrise.
I've heard a range of possible consequences. Depending on the story, you could end up in a bathtub of ice without your kidneys, or lying on the street naked, wallet-less and covered in ketchup.
I have heard of only one person who ever successfully tried the "Can't Say No" game, and the source is dubious. Supposedly, a friend of a friend of a friend made it to morning. He ended up leaping through the closed, glass window of his hospital room and later shooting up heroin under the Charles Bridge with a bunch of bums.
Cost: Forget it. Your bank account's the last of your worries.
Danger to your health: Eleventy-billion google. Godspeed.
