Well here we have it folks, a showdown of epic proportions to win the heart of none other than Miss Pamela Anderson. The fight begins with Kid Rock removing his layers of fur coats and issuing his usual declaration that he is "going platinum" - whatever that means in this situation. Meanwhile, Rick Salomon is busy setting up a camcorder in the corner to tape the fight for sale at a later date, hoping to recreate his success with "One Night in Paris."
Immediately, Tommy and Bret start a heated argument over whose hair metal band was better. Tommy, obviously being the more badass of the two, quickly gives Bret a punch to the surgically enhanced nose. Kid Rock takes it upon himself to seize the moment, and, while Tommy is distracted, Kid thwacks him in the back of the knees with his pimp cane. As Tommy falls to his knees, Bret mutters something about him being in Pamela's usual position, only causing tempers to rise.
While Tommy, Bret and Kid Rock all sissy-slap each other into submission, Rick Salomon continues to roll tape, quite satisfied with the footage he's getting. In an attempt to break up the fight, Rick mentions that the star-power of all three of the musicians in one homemade sex tape with Pamela Anderson would be unstoppable, prompting a moment of thought and the signing of contracts.
Pamela quickly agrees to the deal after being told that "Daddy would love her" if she did it. Two hours later, the entire group heads to the Waffle House to toast their homemade pornography success, but unfortunately Kid Rock gets into a fight with a chef and is arrested, and the other three men all get food poisoning and instantaneously die. Poor Pamela. All's fair in love and porno.
-by Grant Beighley
